Dear Readers,

You may have seen my thoughts on this past year, but I also have some hopes for 2017. I have hope because the Lord promises it to us in His word. I have hope because there’s no reason not to. 2016 really tested my faith, but it affirmed it as well. I have no solid foundation without Jesus. I have no hope without Jesus. He is and will always be my side through the muck, muddy, unclear, and confusing times. This world throws so much at us all the time! We are constantly bombarded by society’s expectations of what success is, of what power is, of what acceptance is. I have seen so many of my friends and family members fall victim to the expectations set by this world. They end up burned out, frustrated, and starving for something better.

This year, I have hope that:

1. I will continue to strive toward Jesus. I will become more like Him and less like me.
2. I will be generous with my time, my words, and my money.
3. I will learn from my mistakes and never make the same ones again.
4. I will fill my body, mind, and spirit with life giving things, rather than toxic, unhealthy, and joy stealing things.
5. I will become more content in my life.
6. I will embrace new opportunities.
7. I will become more creative with my resources.

I know that all of these things are what anyone would want in the new year. I hope to have these things and more. Sure, the bad will happen, but I am tired of living waiting for the other shoe to drop. Good can be just around the corner, and that is my mind-set. There is always something better right around the corner!

I wish you all well in this new year. I hope that no matter what happens you have a strong support system around you, but remember, you are your own worst enemy. Don’t let yourself get in your way!

CHEERS to 2017!

Happy New Year!

xx,
Melissa

ANXIETY UPDATE

This is how I look when I am anxious.

I have written a few posts about my anxiety on the blog, and I feel as though it's time for a little update. If you have experienced feelings of anxiety or depression, trust me, you are not alone. I have been dealing with anxiety since I was a child. I remember feeling uneasy and fearful and not really understanding what it was. I couldn't quite pin-point it, but I felt as though something was wrong. Truth be known, I have now gotten to the root of the issue, so to be honest, something was wrong. That's a whole other post though...

Now that I have been seeing a counselor for nearly a year, and have been prescribed anti-anxiety medication, I feel as though my anxiety has become very manageable. I used to fight my anxiety with all I had, but I knew once I stopped fighting against it, and started to flow with it things would get easier. I was so angry. I was so frustrated that I couldn't go with the flow. It's similar to skidding in a car on an icy road. When you steer into the skid, then you can get out of the skid easier (and alive). It's the same way with anxiety. When you don't fight it, recognize it, and use your "tool kit", the anxiety or panic attack will surpass faster.

Tool Kit Includes:
1. Deep breathing exercises.
2. Focusing on the present things around me.
3. A hot, relaxing bath.
4. Talking about my feelings with family or friends.
5. Reading Scripture, worship music, prayer
6. Doing something active or something I enjoy.
7. Journaling.

All of these things can help ease and even eliminate my anxiety.

Last week, my anxiety hit pretty hard. I had a very full week (at a conference) and had to travel an hour and forty minutes one way and back each day. That made for hours in the car, in Atlanta traffic, with very little relaxation or downtime. I knew one thing - I was physically exhausted. When mental or physical exhaustion hits, my anxiety gets to be at an all-time high. I knew that I needed to focus on the tasks at hand, not get overwhelmed, and get through as best as I could until Friday. Luckily, I had plenty of downtime this weekend, so I am feeling much more at ease. To relax I typically hang around the apartment, take baths, do face masks, take naps, and watch Netflix or movies. I was also with my roommate all weekend and we got to eat out a couple of times and run errands. If I were completely alone all weekend, I would not have felt as recharged. I felt alone at the conference all week, so recharging during the weekend for me was having time to be social and connect.  If I feel as though I have had very little alone time during the week, I tend to hide away for a little while to recharge. It depends on my circumstances.

Managing anxiety is all about balance, and it can be pretty hard! I think for me, keeping a lighter schedule, having time to myself and with others, and doing things I enjoy helps manage it much better.

If you feel as though your anxiety is creeping in or increasing, take a moment to reflect on your schedule. Have you been working longer hours? Have you been rushed for time? Have you been more tired lately? Have you been by yourself too much or too little? All of these things can attribute to how you feel.

Feel free to share with me your tips for managing anxiety, or if you have any questions, let me know. You can also send me an email to melissafayeblog@gmail.com.

BREAKING UP WITH PERFECTION

Growing up, I always had an idealistic, perfectionist approach to life. Even now in my adulthood, I still want things to be perfect. The problem with perfection is...

1. It isn't realistic.
2. It does not give way to grace, mercy, or human error.
3. It makes you feel bad when perfection isn't met.

There was one point this year that I just accepted that not everything can be perfect, and as long as it’s done, or as long as I am trying, perfection is no longer the goal.

I am my worst critic. I know people all around who know me just gasped! But, it’s true. No one has to tell me what I’ve done wrong, or how I messed up because I am already saying 100 obscenities in my mind about what I did wrong. Being a screw up isn’t really my thing. I want to appear put together, like I have life beat. But, can I tell you something? I DON’T!

When you’re going through life trying to keep this “I got this” persona, it can be exhausting. If something is broken, I want to fix it. If something isn’t working, I try to find out why, and I try with all of my might to change it. The truth is, I am not in the restoration business, nor am I a fairy godmother. I had to learn the hard way (especially this year), that no one, nothing, is perfect. Nothing can be perfect because in our humanness, we can’t be perfect. I have had to learn to trust God to fix things. And guess what? God only fixes what we want Him to. God only intervenes and changes things when we ask Him to. If I am all, “I got this”, God can’t do His work. Why would I not want to give up the things in my life to the Creator? Maybe I am a control freak? (Okay, that is a whole other post, Melissa!)

I have this innate ability to love, care for, and fix things that are broken. Can you imagine my dating life? Yeah, it’s pretty hilarious! But, I don’t want someone based on their potential. I want someone based on their reality. I am done trying to fix things and make things perfect. The only perfect One is Jesus.

So, if you are like me, tired of always trying to be perfect, can I help you out? Break up with perfection! Send it a Dear John letter, send it down the river, or even buy it a pizza that says, “I’m breaking up with you” spelled out in pepperonis. Whatever you have to do to let go, do it!

Here are some tips to get your started!

1. Journal about your need to be perfect and then read it to yourself.
It may sound silly, or feel awkward, but it may reveal a lot about why you want things to be perfect. Is it because you feel like you won’t be good enough? Is it because you want to keep control? Is it because you feel like it’s the one thing you got going for you? Let me tell you something, you don’t have to be perfect to be worth it. You don’t need this cookie cutter perfect life because it’s boring! There is beauty in the colorful messes we make!

2. Write a "break up letter" to perfection.
This is my go-to. Tell perfection to take a hike and be specific on why. This may reveal more than you think!

3. When something gets done, it doesn’t have to be perfect.
It just needs to be done. I had to learn this in my professional life. I am not saying to make mistakes on purpose, or to not pay attention to detail. I am saying, don’t get so caught up in making each detail perfect, that you lose the ability to finish things. Striving for perfection can be feel paralyzing, when perfection isn’t the goal. Just getting done and finishing needs to be the goal.

4. Take it to God and leave it there.
I am a Christian, so my life revolves around one person - Jesus Christ. When things in life are hard for me, my savior is there for me. He loves me despite my humanness. He loves me despite my imperfections. A central theme in Christianity is to give all we have to God. We worship Him at church, yes, but we also worship Him with our lives. We cannot be whole without Jesus. We cannot be redeemed without Jesus. So, for me, to be able to function through life healthy and joyful, I have to constantly surrender things to the Lord. One of those things is my need to be perfect, and my need to make things in life how I want them.

5. Symbolize this break up with perfection in a meaningful way.
I regularly see a counselor (No shame, people! I whole-heartedly believe in counseling/therapy. It was my major!). Dealing with anxiety and depression has made me take a hard look at how my mind works and how my perspective affects my behavior. One of the first things I had to do in counseling was destroy my perfect life that I had built in my head. Growing up, this was my escape. I saw things in how they should be lenses, rather than how they are lenses. This has been daunting to break through. In the near future, I really want to symbolize this new-found break up in a good, meaningful, healthy way. I haven’t decided how yet, but I will soon! If you are making the same move, I suggest doing this too!

Life is too short to worry about being perfect. Be who you are. Be bold enough to be real with yourself. Be kind enough to accept you. There is nothing wrong about loving yourself right where you are. So much of my life has been spent being hard on myself, and honestly not being kind. I do think there’s something to be said about loving yourself. Giving yourself a break.

Can you relate? I would love to hear about your story in the comments! 

IN THE MIDST

In the midst of life, it is easy for me to forget that there is very little I have control over. In the next couple of months, I am turning 30. I never thought this time would come, but here it is. At 30 years old, I saw my life looking very different than it does right now. Have I accomplished a great deal? Yes, of course! But, there are still things I long for that have yet to come to fruition.

I thought by this time in my life, I would be married, owning my first home, and have a little babe on the way. I saw myself being a relatively "young" mom, and having my home ready and waiting for littles to come along. Now, my children have been replaced with my niece and nephew (which I wouldn't trade), and my married life has been replaced with singleness. My job as a SAHM has been replaced with a job in higher education (which I also wouldn't trade). My home ready for littles is now replaced with an apartment filled with two single females and all of their junk. No, the picture I had envisioned of my life up until this point has not come to be.

I feel two distinct things about this.

1. Disappointment. I am disappointed. I am disappointed in myself for having made some wrong decisions. I am disappointed in others who have hurt me and even left me, or thrown me to the side. I am disappointed in God. Does He not hear me? Does He not see the struggles I have? Does He not care about what I want or who I want in my life?

2. Scared. I am scared about what this could mean for my life. Am I destined to be single and just didn't know it? Does the family I always envisioned not exist in God's eyes? I am scared about what I could be missing. I am scared of some of the risks that I could not be taking. I am scared that this feeling of not being able to move forward or backward will last forever.

Here's what I do know about these feelings.

1. They are valid. Disappointment and fear are very real feelings that a lot of people turning 30, 40, or 50 can relate to. Honestly, these probably aren't exclusive to milestone birthdays, or birthdays in general. These feelings I have wrestled with for a few years now. I think turning the BIG 3-0 is just magnifying the emotions.

2. They won't last forever. I still have many joys in life to embrace and look forward to. My life isn't over, it's just beginning. While I do have the feelings of disappointment and fear breathing down my neck, I still have hope. I have glimmers of hope when I complete a big project at work, or when I cheer up a friend, when I hear my niece and nephew laugh, or when my roommate and I uncontrollably laugh in a drive thru lane because of something dumb I said.

I know that there is so much to this life that I have yet to even fathom. I know that in these moments I am being refined and softened. I know the Lord is working things out for my good and that He is listening to me when I cry out to Him. Turning 30 for me is a big deal and right now it feels hard. I feel anxiety and I feel panic, but I pray constantly for peace. I pray for the joy that only Jesus can give. We all have our struggles and we all have things we are waiting for.

As for now, I will wait.

Happy Monday, xx.

HOW TO BE A GOOD ROOMMATE

I always found the idea of having a roommate scary. Roommates bring all kinds of horror stories. From birth through college, I never had to share a room with anyone. My sister and I shared a bathroom, but that wasn't really an issue too often. In college, I was always hearing stories of roommates from hell. College students can be dirty, messy, loud, and just all-around terrible sometimes. Me? I never had that problem. I had the best roommate of all time. Me! I was clean, quiet, and went to bed at a reasonable hour. I was always thinking to myself how good of a roommate I was. Kidding. Kind of.

Now that I am 29, and have a roommate there are some serious perks.

1. I always have someone to talk to rather than myself.
2. I have a constant dinner date.
3. I have someone who can help me put together outfits.
4. I have someone to go on McDonald's runs with.
5. I have someone to binge watch shows with. Holla!

Also, it helps me tremendously financially! I cannot tell you the load that having a roommate has taken off.

Being friends with your roommate is rare, I have heard. Most of the time, roommates are just that. My roommate, however, is my friend, co-worker, confidant, and sister. We do almost everything together, and honestly, she has helped me to learn to trust again (shout out Caley!). So, if you want to better your relationship with your roommate, sister, husband, wife, etc., here are some pointers.

1. Be courteous and remember it's their space too.
It was an adjustment for me in the beginning to share space with someone. I am particular about how things are organized, but I don't have it all together. Sometimes, I need to collaborate with my roommate to find what works best for both of us. I am clean, or at least clean up after myself, I don't blare music loudly, and I certainly don't impose myself in her space. If she wants to invite others over, or vice versa, we talk about it first so each of us is aware. That is very important!
2. Find common ground.
I am very lucky to have a roommate who appreciates my taste and has a similar taste to mine. We are able to decorate, or find things for the apartment that we both like and enjoy. We also have similar hobbies, interests, and backgrounds. We each have a different story, but there are a lot of things that are similar. We each really like watching the Bachelor, so there's that. Finding common ground can enable you to appreciate your roommate for who they are, and it can make living together a lot easier.
3. Accept that things will change. 
When I went from living alone to living with someone, it was almost a culture shock. I wanted to be sure that I was courteous and respectful of her space, but I also wanted to be sure that I made the space my own as well. Now, it was odd to come home with someone (we work at the same place) and then find a balance between hanging out and having alone time, but we both take cues pretty well. If I need some time to myself, I went to my room immediately after getting home and closed the door. My roommate understood that I just needed some time, and she was okay with it. There are times where she would be having a conversation on the phone, so I knew to be respectful and allow her to connect with others. Things were different, but in a good way. 
4. Be helpful. 
Cleaning and handling household chores is a compromise at times. Each person has to carry their own weight, and it's so much easier when you're willing to help! I think being helpful or intentional goes a long way in a roommate living situation. It can be anything from taking out the garbage, to unloading the dishwasher, to making dinner for the other person. 
5. Be willing to go 50/50. 
I have heard of some nit-picky roommates, but I am not one of them. My roommate and I go 50/50 on rent and utilities and then pay for our own food. It's been the best situation. Since I live in the "master bedroom", I technically have a bathroom in my bedroom, but as far as square footage, there isn't a significant difference. We still pay the same amount in rent and utilities because its makes things fair and easier! I cannot tell you how crazy it would make me to pay a little more for this or that just because I use something a little more, or blah blah. Just pay your half, I'll pay mine, and we'll call it even. On occasion we will buy each other's dinner or coffee. It's just about doing your part. 

What about you? What are some of your pointers? Have you ever had a difficult roommate?

Happy Friday, xx.  

ENCOURAGE: BREAKING DOWN WALLS

I think throughout my life I have really wanted to embrace those around me and form a community. I see so many of the people I interact with each day living among and sharing with each other. Community to me is the glue that holds any institution or organization together. Community makes up families, friends, schools, marriages, churches, etc. We all live in community and we can all share and learn from each other.

When I was first in college I wanted to create friendships that would last a lifetime. My problem is I have some pretty significant trust issues going on. I get leery of people who easily trust. To me, trust is something that has to be earned, not given freely. Throughout college I had struggles with trusting the right people. I made friendships with people that I probably shouldn't have (ouch) and looking back today and I learned a lot from those 'wrong' friendships. I learned how much to tell and when. I learned about how little people kept things confidential and private. I learned that I have built up walls because I am afraid of getting hurt. I don't take friendship lightly. I hate conflict and confrontation. I like have deep conversations and talking about where people have come from. I love to listen and give advice.

I know now that I have some great quality friends. I have friends that I can call if I need to and I have people in my life that are giving. They are life-giving and they are a part of my daily walk with Christ. I am so thankful for what I have been through. I am thankful for those who have hurt me (even deeply hurt me).  I encourage you to take a step back and analyze what it is that is holding you from creating and having community. You won't regret it.

LETTER TO MY SINGLE SELF

Being single is a pentacle point in my life. I have learned so much and there is so much left to learn. I love the new sense of independence I have gained and I don't want to forget it. I don't want to wake up one day next to my husband and forget what I went through these past 18 months or the months to come.

Dear Single Melissa,

Hey, girl. Looking good. How ya doing?

I hope by the time you read through this (because you will remember to) you are happy. I hope and pray you have found the love you've always wanted and though you don't deserve it, you appreciate it now more than ever. You know what its like to lose out on love. You know what its like to follow your heart rather than your head. You know what its like to wonder where you went wrong and what you could have done differently. You know what its like because you have been through it.

Don't forget the times you were feeling as though you would be single forever. Be grateful that you no longer are. What you went through made your heart stronger and more capable of loving deeper. Being divorced has made you softer. Its made your head clearer and your heart surer of what you want. You know what its like to not have the best, so appreciate the best when its there.

When you look into his eyes, walk down the aisle, hold your baby in your arms for the first time, remember all the tears that fell to get you there. Remember all the pain you went through and don't lose sight of the joy right in front of you. For you as a single girl, for single girls everywhere, love deeply, love in action, and love in pain/beauty/joy/heartache/disappointments/triumph/victory/anger. I pray that Jesus is the redeemer, the forgiver, the counselor, and the healer in your relationship. I pray the man you love allows Him to be all of the above in his life as well.

Just remember that you are enough. You are worth it. You are going to have all of the things your heart desires. Keep steadfast. Keep praying. Keep loving. Keep thanking God daily. You won't regret it.

Love Your Old Friend,
Single Melissa

WELLNESS SERIES: BIG LIFE CHANGE

Dealing with a big life change can be difficult, no matter if the change is good or bad. Stress is brought upon you and it can seem impossible to keep your head above water. In my life, I seem to be an expert on life changes. In a four year span I ended a long-time relationship, met my future husband, got engaged, graduated college, got married, my sister got married, she moved to another state, I moved 5 times, my parents both lost their jobs, my sister got pregnant, had baby, she moved to another state, my job relocates, my parents move, I get divorced, and here we are today...Phew, I am tired just thinking about it.

A big life change can be a death, loss, diagnosis, divorce, marriage, new baby, new job, job loss - any and all of the above.

Life can throw you curve balls very quickly. In the blink of an eye amazing or tragic things can happen that seem to turn your world upside down. It's important to cope with these changes in a healthy way. Stress, whether good or bad, takes a toll on your emotional, physical, and mental well-being. Here some steps to make sure you are dealing with all of these life changes in a positive way:

Talk to Someone Who Loves You

Talking about how overwhelmed you are is a great way to release stress and make some decisions. It may also help to have someone repeat what you're saying back to you. If you talk about the change, how it affects you (how it affects your family, work, etc.), then you can begin to break up the big change into smaller pieces. This helps you process and may lessen the feeling of being overwhelmed. Also, talk about your feelings rather than analyzing the problem or good thing that's happened. Sometimes we focus too much on our heads and not enough on our hearts. I am talking to myself here, too. 

Take Care of Your Body

During stressful times in my life I tend to throw my body to the back burner, which can actually make stress worse. When I am stressed I want fried, rich, sweet, and unhealthy food - because who doesn't? This can actually make stress worse by making you feel bloated and sluggish. Be sure to eat healthy, get plenty of exercise (great stress reliever), and get plenty of rest. When my life is stressful I incorporate naps a few days a week. When I get home from work I will light a candle, play soft music, and lull myself into an hour long snooze. I will wake up refreshed and it keeps my body in a restful state. Be sure to limit your nap to an hour or you may have trouble falling asleep at night. Eat plenty of raw, fresh foods, and take a 30 minute walk per day. These are small things you can do that can help with a big life change. If the big life change affects your physical health and/or capabilities, then be sure to talk with your doctor about ways you can manage stress in a healthy way. 

Do Something Fun

This doesn't have to be elaborate. No one is asking you to go to an amusement park and ride roller coasters. This can be something simple that you enjoy and helps you to relax. This can be a picnic, a meal at a favorite restaurant, or taking 30 minutes to read a good book. Just be sure it helps you decompress and have fun. Grab a friend or family member to take along, if you'd like. Fun loves company. 

Pray, Meditate, Do Yoga

Our bodies are layered with the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. Do good for your soul in the midst of a big life change. This can be prayer, meditation, yoga - whatever it takes to center yourself back to what matters. When I was dealing with a lot of life changes, it helped me to pray and release all of my angst and stress to the Lord. It comforted me to know that I didn't have to deal with these things alone. This can help you to focus on what's important and may help you to release your feelings of being overwhelmed. Also, being involved in a church or supportive community can certainly help you in dealing with a big life change. It helps to have support from people who believe in the same things you do.

Dealing with a big life change can feel like a big feat, but it is certainly doable. Just remember you are capable of dealing with whatever comes your way in life. You are strong and you have tools to cope and be positive. If you have any other tips, feel free to comment below.

 

I'M GOING TO BE 30

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No, it's not my birthday. I was just thinking recently that I am going to be 30...in 2 years. Yeah, I know I am wasting my time worrying about it now. In my 20s I have achieved much more than I anticipated, but at the same time there are still things I have yet to accomplish. The biggest disappointment I have right now is that I don't have the family I assumed I'd have right now. It's no secret that there are quite a few pregnant mommas-to-be out there. Must have been a cold winter, huh? It seems as though my newsfeed is covered from top to bottom with pregnancy announcements and baby bump updates. Am I happy for these ladies and gents? Absolutely! It's an exciting time and I am ecstatic that so many couples and families are growing. But there's still a sting in my heart. There's still a twinge of sadness that washes over me when I see a new pregnant announcement or a baby bump update...

I know I am not the only woman in this world aching for a family. I know that someday this will become a reality for me, but it seems to be a recurring theme in my life that things don't happen when I want them to. Others' plans may work out, but mine never do. I think God is teaching me to loosen the reigns of control in my life. I can't have the things I want when I want them because obviously the timing is off right now. For one, I don't have a husband right now, so baby making is impossible...For two, I am still healing from the divorce and moving onto another (potentially wrong) relationship isn't the best thing for my heart. For three, I need to decide what I want right now, rather than the future.

My dad always tells me that there's a guy out there praying for me and hoping for me to come along, but our paths just haven't crossed yet. The first time he said that I wanted to burst into tears. I always think about myself wanting that "right guy" for me without thinking that maybe there's a guy out there hoping and praying for me too. That gives me hope and in some way gives me peace. I will have what my heart desires in the right time. I just have to trust God and keep focusing on me and what He wants for my life right now. This time will be precious to me looking back someday, and I certainly don't want to take it for granted.

30 may only be a couple of years away, but I still have time to accomplish some wonderful things. 

HOPE FLOATS

There are times when there seems to be endless tragedy. I cannot tell you how many heartbreaking stories I have heard in the last week related to loss, injury, death, and sickness. We are all affected by tragedy at some point in our lives. The hardest part is to live life knowing you will never know why these things happen. Why does someone lose a parent or a child unexpectedly? Why does someone get cancer? Why do we have to deal with so much unimaginable heartbreak? The truth is, I don't know. I don't have the answers. These things bothered me less when I was younger, but entering into adulthood has made me realize just how precious life is. It's only a breath or a blink and then all of the sudden you're almost 30, or turning 40, or 75. Life is short and life is meant to be appreciated and lived. I have had my fair share of tragedy in my life as well. I used to feel as though it was a normal part of life, and in no way did it shake my faith. Now, things seem to shake me to my core. I cannot understand why God would allow people to go through such things.

I do know that God is a loving God, that I am not alone, and that He is here in the midst of the most horrible tragedies. I know that in the end people are good and want to help. I know that my family and friends are there to support me no matter what happens. I do know that life is less than fair and that there is more good than bad. I do know that despite how we feel at times, we are living a life of purpose for a God who is great and powerful. He is the ultimate healer. Time allows us to move on, but God uses the time to teach our hearts to love, show grace, and embrace hope.

If you are experiencing loss, death, or just feel hopeless, please know that I am thinking and praying for you. Life can be hard sometimes. I know it seems like it will never get better, but it will, and it does. My heart goes out to all of those suffering right now, xx.

#redballoonsforryan

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THINGS I LEARNED FROM DIVORCE

I know I am not the first person to ever get divorced and unfortunately, I won't be the last. Divorce has taught my heart so many things. Things that I didn't know I wanted to learn. Divorce still has a stigma attached to it. My fear when the news first broke was judgement. I was afraid people would think I wasn't trying, or that I was a horrible person, or that I was a bad wife, or damaged. Being under 30 and divorced came with its own challenges. I wasn't quite settled into married life and then I had to figure out how to live on my own, in a different state than my family, for the first time in my life. So many changes occurred in a three year span, but I have to say the hardest adjustment was getting divorced.

I had so many feelings and emotions running through my being. I couldn't decide if I was more sad than angry, or more hurt than sad. I just felt lost. Feeling lost is the worst part. I couldn't decide which direction to go. Every decision I made involved another person, but no longer was he here with me. Every fear, doubt, concern with discussed with another person, but no longer was he available to listen. How does someone bounce back from that? How does one cope? I have a few lessons that you or someone you know may find useful. I am in no way an expert, but I feel as though my experience may benefit someone else who is or has gone through the same thing.

It Does Get Easier

I know it can seem like life will be horrible forever, but that isn't so. I dealt with several bouts of depression and there were days I couldn't grasp the thought of ever getting through it. This isn't something I shared on a regular basis with anyone, but now that some time has passed I feel like it would be beneficial for others to know that yes, I was depressed. I had never felt so low, sad, or hopeless in my life. I would cry out to God, call my mom, pray, read the Bible, cry some more. Whatever I had to do, I did it. I had to let the emotions flow so that I could begin to recover and heal. I think there is something about loss that opens up your soul and makes you feel pain in places you didn't know existed. I often find that after these times the heart is stronger and any joy you feel is that much sweeter.

People Will Understand 

I had to accept the fact that I wasn't alone in my struggle. So many people had experienced divorce and when they offered their advice or told their story, I listened. I wanted to feel a kinship with these people because it made me feel less alone, less afraid, and more hopeful. They got through it and so can I. So can you!

Being Alone Will Feel Okay

I am not going to lie, at first, it was really hard to live alone. I missed the presence of another. I wanted to cook for two, clean for two, do laundry for two, anything to feel normal. After a while, I embraced living alone and having time to sleep in, relax, do things my own way, establish a comfortable routine, and learn who I was again. Being married gives you another identity and I felt for a while like I wasn't quite myself. The truth is, that's normal when you're first married because your identity is now linked with another person. Once my ex-husband and I were separated, I had to learn who I was again. I have to admit, I kind of like who I am now. I feel like myself - most days. 

Don't Rush

I cannot tell you how many people asked me when I was going to start dating again (that story for another post). I had to be honest with them and myself and say that I wasn't ready for a relationship. It's been about 8 years since I have "dated" someone. I am a serial monogamist and I will openly admit that (okay, I just did). I was in a long-term relationship before I met my ex-husband and I didn't waste anytime jumping into something with him. I feel as though this is a great time to do all of the things I have wanted to do, but never had the chance. If the time comes, and the right person comes along, I will be open to it, but I don't see that happening for a while anyway.

Make the Move 

No one is going to be there to kick you in the pants and tell you when to start living again. You will have to make that decision on your own. For me, it took me several months to really "live". I was just doing my best to get through each and every day and at the time people were graceful enough to allow me to do that. Now that it's been a year, it's time for me to make some decisions in my life. I have a career, family, and my own personal well-being to consider. I can't wait around for life to happen. I have to make it happen for me. 

Do you have any advice, or want to chat? Leave a comment or send me an email! 

Original Image Heart of Gold 

BLOG GOALS FOR MAY

I have never set blog goals before, but since I want to take this blogging thing more seriously, I want to go ahead and set some goals for myself. Blogging takes effort, but I enjoy it a lot. I enjoy the writing, socializing, and connecting. I think that these goals will be a way for me to see real results with both readership and engagement.

1. Create an Editorial Calendar
2. Create a Media Kit
3. Post more original photos
4. Follow 20 new bloggers both on Bloglovin' and social media.
5. Gain 10 more followers via Bloglovin' and social media.

Feel free to Pin the above image. These goals are great for any blogger looking to get serious about blogging!

What are your blogging goals?

A YEAR

Wow. As I type this I am in disbelief it's been a year since everything happened between my ex-husband and I. I am almost brought to tears, not just because its a sad time (although it is), but because I have made it SO much farther than I thought I would. I had no idea I would be able to live on my own, take care of myself independently, and be productive each and everyday. Divorce had to be one of my top fears. I always grew up saying, "I will never get divorced. Nope, not me". Yes, me. Yes, you. Yes, everyone. I am not saying divorce isn't avoidable. It certainly is. But no one marriage is immune.

I cannot wait to meet, date, get engaged to, and marry someone who is deserving of my love. I cannot wait to meet the man whose love I deserve. I am still hopeful in love and marriage. I don't think its a total wash or completely out of the question. I want all of the same things I did before, but next time I will cherish them more than I ever have. Love and marriage is a gift and should be treated as such.

So, what have I learned the most this past year? a

ONE. I am much stronger than I thought I was.
TWO. Good guys are few and far between, but I know they are out there.
THREE. Family really is most important!
FOUR. Cooking for one is hard.
FIVE. Living without a man is awesome, but sometimes I miss it.
SIX. "He's Just Not That Into You" doesn't actually give good advice...
SEVEN. You also can't learn jack from "The Notebook".
EIGHT. "Titanic" now that is a realistic love story...
NINE. Pizza and wine are a girl's best friend.
TEN. This list makes me look much sadder than I really am.

THANK YOU.

I am so happy to be here in this little space on the interweb. 

I am so happy that people read and are impacted by the words. 

I am so happy I get emails from readers who become friends. 

I am so happy someone out there understands the same pains, failures, small victories, and fumbles I have. 

I am so happy people can be real. 

I am so happy that this blog has kept going when I thought I didn't have anything to write anymore.

I am so happy. 

Thank you.
Thank you for reading, feeling, applauding, laughing, crying, criticizing, supporting. All of it.

Thank you. 

MY OWN JOURNEY

It's 11:05 PM on a Saturday night and I just finished watching "American Blogger". This documentary follows Christopher Weigand on his journey across America interviewing bloggers and learning what this whole blogging thing is about. Christopher's wife is a well-known blogger and we get a glimpse into their family life, as well as the preparation it took before he was to start out on his journey in the Summer of 2013. I don't regularly read Casey's blog, but they seem to have a lot of  love in their family. And really, how cute are their kids?!

As I was watching I began thinking about my own blogging journey and the events that have taken place the last year. Today actually marks a year to the day when everything in my life seemed to implode. The marriage I thought I had, the man I married, the life I led, seemed to crash into a million tiny pieces, hence this blog. My blog I had for two years documented my life as a newlywed and as a social media obsessed person who couldn't get enough of blogging and what it had to offer. I shared recipes, vacation photos, (very little) DIY projects, but mainly what I had learned in the couple of years I had been married. When my marital status changed from married to divorced, my story changed, as did my voice. What I had written in the past almost seemed like a lie. What had my life come to? Was I going to be perceived as a failure? Were people going to laugh at the fact that I had made such a big deal about meeting my husband and falling in love instantly, only to be engaged 5 weeks later, married three months later, and divorced nearly three years later? What was I going to blog about now? Loneliness? Yeah, that always gets a big following.

But I had to stop and think for a while. Was I only going to blog about divorce? Of course not, because divorce does not define who I am. It is simply a part of my life, although a pretty big part at the time. Blogging became a way for me to escape. It was like I was going to therapy in front of the world. There were days I couldn't deny what I was feeling and had to write it. There were days I wanted to escape so I'd put together a fashion or home decor post. There were days I felt so rotten I had to write something positive to try and snap out of the funk I was in. Blogging became a source for support. Suddenly, 20-somethings were emailing me telling me that they understood if I decided not to blog anymore. Some asked if I was still going to blog even though my life had changed so drastically. Some were emailing me and saying that they were recently divorced and had no one to really turn to. Unless you have been there, divorce isn't necessarily easily relatable.

The thing that really struck me about this film were all of the stories. Yes, most of the bloggers were mothers and wives. Many of them are what I someday aspire to be. I saw pregnant bellies and babies running around. I saw wives with their husbands making dinner and going for walks to the local ice cream shop. I saw women with immaculate closets filled with clothes I could probably never afford. I heard stories of heartbreak and triumph. Women who owned their own businesses or who made a living from blogging about their lives. I in some ways I am these women and in so many ways I am not. Are there any critiques for this film? At the moment, no. I think this film was more about me looking back on my own story and understanding the stories of others. No, this film does not capture the "every blogger", but neither do our blogs. Our blogs are our own stories. Not everyone loves every single thing we write. Not every blogger can appeal to all women and all lifestyles. I am not a mother, so I may not appeal to a mother of two as much as an actual mother of two would. I am not a fashion blogger, so I don't expect women to come here for fashion advice. The truth is I am a 27 year old, single, God-fearing, southern, sarcastic, sensitive, funny, sometimes stand-offish woman. I have my hang ups, doubts, imperfections, and good graces. I am a blogger and everyday you can see into my life and read my story. This film was not a place to criticize or poke at the film maker for me. It was a place where I cried, nodded my head in agreement, said "yes!" and "no!", laughed, and asked myself the same question...

What is a blog?

My journey continues as does yours. What do you want to leave behind? What do you want to remember?

To buy the film and watch it for yourself, go here.

BEGIN AGAIN

I heard this song and immediately it struck a chord with me. I have to remember that my life right now is about me. I think its the first time I have truly had the time to focus on me. I still struggle with knowing what I want and where I want to go in my life. Most days I am tired from all of the thinking. I don't have to figure everything out right now. I do have time and I should take advantage of it.

So much of our lives are spent planning. I have realized that life certainly doesn't go according to our plan. I didn't see myself single after nearly three years of marriage. I swore up and down I would never move or live outside of the state of Georgia. I was fearful of ever living on my own and never thought I would have to. I never planned on my sister getting pregnant and having a child before I would. There are lots of things in this life I didn't plan.

Moving forward I am learning to trust God with my life. Some days I feel like I am just floating along (cue Forrest Gump music), but other times I think that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Either way, whether I have this thing figured out or not, I cannot wait around for someone to kick me into living again. I have been trying to get myself out of my shell. I am one of those weirdos that is half extrovert and half introvert. Depending on the situation I can be the life of the party, or a complete and total wallflower. I have been playing on the faculty/staff intramural softball team. Um. I haven't played softball since I was maybe 14? It's a challenge, it's not pretty, but its forcing me to get out of my comfort zone. Its shaking the extreme self-consciousness I have at times. I have to say I am a little proud of myself for doing it.

I say all of that to say that if you are waiting and letting life pass you by, stop and live it! No one has to tell you when or how to start over. You can do that all on your own!

HAVEN'T POSTED

source

So, I definitely haven't posted here in a while.

Currently, I am working on a blog re-design with my pal Amy so right now I am holding all of my creative juices for that process. I plan to be back soon posting regularly and hopefully with a fresh, new blog design!

I have also been working late(r) than normal getting prepared for the craziness that is about to hit our financial aid office. By the way, if you attended college you should say a little prayer for your alma mater's financial aid office. Our job is a lot harder (and more manual) than people think!

My weekend is getting closer and I am really excited! What are your weekend plans?