May 19, 2014

No, it's not my birthday. I was just thinking recently that I am going to be 30...in 2 years. Yeah, I know I am wasting my time worrying about it now. In my 20s I have achieved much more than I anticipated, but at the same time there are still things I have yet to accomplish. The biggest disappointment I have right now is that I don't have the family I assumed I'd have right now. It's no secret that there are quite a few pregnant mommas-to-be out there. Must have been a cold winter, huh? It seems as though my newsfeed is covered from top to bottom with pregnancy announcements and baby bump updates. Am I happy for these ladies and gents? Absolutely! It's an exciting time and I am ecstatic that so many couples and families are growing. But there's still a sting in my heart. There's still a twinge of sadness that washes over me when I see a new pregnant announcement or a baby bump update...

I know I am not the only woman in this world aching for a family. I know that someday this will become a reality for me, but it seems to be a recurring theme in my life that things don't happen when I want them to. Others' plans may work out, but mine never do. I think God is teaching me to loosen the reigns of control in my life. I can't have the things I want when I want them because obviously the timing is off right now. For one, I don't have a husband right now, so baby making is impossible...For two, I am still healing from the divorce and moving onto another (potentially wrong) relationship isn't the best thing for my heart. For three, I need to decide what I want right now, rather than the future.

My dad always tells me that there's a guy out there praying for me and hoping for me to come along, but our paths just haven't crossed yet. The first time he said that I wanted to burst into tears. I always think about myself wanting that "right guy" for me without thinking that maybe there's a guy out there hoping and praying for me too. That gives me hope and in some way gives me peace. I will have what my heart desires in the right time. I just have to trust God and keep focusing on me and what He wants for my life right now. This time will be precious to me looking back someday, and I certainly don't want to take it for granted.

30 may only be a couple of years away, but I still have time to accomplish some wonderful things. 


  1. Just keep trusting God! He will give you the desires of your heart (Psalms 37:4). Just so you know, 30 is the new 20 (said by a 50 something year old). :)

  2. Haha, the title of this post confused me for a minute because I was so sure that you weren't even a year older than me! 30 seems to be a marker of sorts for us ladies. Many of us feel that we should already have started (maybe even finished making) a family by then, but that's just not always reality in today's world. Women aren't getting married right out of high school... Well, most of us. No worries, Melissa. We are still young. When you do get married, you will know for sure that it is a healthy relationship and you will have all this knowledge and wisdom under your belt that you didn't have before.

  3. New reader and follower here. I've never wanted kids so unfortunately, I don't know how you feel on that end. However, I am almost 31, married, and thought I would have this awesome career in Psychology and social work. I developed Lupus three years ago and as of April (Easter weekend) I am on disability. So in that aspect, I can totally sympathize and know how you feel about life not going your way.

  4. I get it, completely, well except 30 being far off. For me its a little over 40 days away which is kind of depressing. But here's thing - I may not be where I thought I would be now, and you may not be where you thought you'd be now, but ultimately are we both better off than we were six months ago? Yes Ma'am! So just imagine, if you're life has well flourished as much as it has in the last six months where you might be in 2 years. The possibilities are mind-boggling! God definitely has a plan for you, one that is far greater than that which you thought you knew. I can't wait to see you fly!