Being single during the holidays has it's advantages and disadvantages. Not having to wrack my brain to figure out what my boyfriend wants for Christmas, advantage. Not getting a gift from said boyfriend, disadvantage. Obviously, I am always the "giver" in the relationship. Ha!

To handle all of those moments that would typically bring me sadness can be difficult, but I have some remedies for the loneliness that may be experienced during the holidays.

If you are newly single, divorced, widowed, or have been single for years, all of these will apply!

1. Surround yourself with loved ones.
That isn't exclusive to just family members. If you have a particularly small family, which I do, then co-workers, friends, or members of you small group can be included in the holiday festivities. Have a friends Christmas gathering complete with holiday music, Christmas cocktails, treats, and a hot chocolate bar. Grab some of your small group members and go look at Christmas lights. Invite a few of your co-workers out for a drink or special dinner somewhere cozy. You don't have to be alone even if you feel like hiding away, or if being single is bringing you down. Get out there and take in all of what Christmas has to offer!

2. Remember the reason for the season.
I am a Christian, first and foremost, so the Christmas season for me is all about celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ. When I think about the humble way my Savior came to this earth, and the amazing story of his birth, I just can’t help but feel emotional. Even in the most impossible circumstances there can still be incredible joy! Even if you don’t believe, I think family, friends, and togetherness are very important as well.

3. Rest, relax, reflect. 
Christmas is near the end of the year and I always take some time to reflect on the year. This year so much has happened. I feel as though there were some wonderful times, and some times that were challenging. I feel as though every year I have come to accept my singleness and each year a new triumph gives me hope for the upcoming year.

4. Be grateful. 
I know that so much can change in a split second. I am so grateful for my health, my family, and the amazing friends I have come to appreciate more and more. I never want to take any part of my life for granted, even when I am single and in this season of waiting.

5. Light all of the candles. 
I know that candles for a lot of people represents romance, but don’t be afraid to set up your own special, cozy, holiday atmosphere. You can still enjoy scented candles, a glass of wine, and the twinkly lights all on your own. You can’t imagine how amazing it will make you feel!

6. When asked about your relationship status: Be patient, be kind, be as honest as you want to be. 
I know family members are curious. Now that you’ve been single for a few years, they may expect you to have someone, or they may bring up your ex not knowing that they’re your ex...I know, it can be frustrating. Just be patient. They usually mean well. Be kind even though you may feel sad or angry. And, you don’t owe anyone an explanation. You have the ability to set your own boundaries. If you don’t want to talk about it, politely say that, and remember do it with LOVE!

Other posts about Singleness on Melissa Faye Blog:

• Seven Mistakes Single Girls Make
• The Anxiety of Turning 30

MAKE ROOM FOR SINGLENESS

In my life, I have had very few times where I was single. I always felt as though I needed to be in a relationship. I thought I was bad at being single and better when I was in a relationship. Looking back now, I know that thinking wasn’t right. You need to be just as good (if not better) on your own than when you are in a relationship. Otherwise, who is the other person getting? The holidays are always tougher on me now that I am single. When I was in a relationship, or married, I had that person to do those holiday things with like ice skating, looking at lights, making cookies, going to Christmas parties. Now, I do those things with friends or family, and trust me, that isn’t bad. But, deep down there is that longing and aching. I honestly haven’t felt that feeling in months, and I have to say, I am pretty proud of myself for that.

I used to think singleness had no place or room in my life. Me? Single? No way, sister. Not this century! But, I have come to realize that singleness absolutely has a place in my life and is welcomed to sit at my table. I think singleness has allowed me to become who I truly am. I have had to rely on myself during times of stress or trouble. Of course, I pray to the Lord and talk to friends or family if I am in over my head, but it feels good to rely on myself in situations that are hard. It feels good to rely on my own instincts and not feel as though I have to heed to someone else's advice simply because I am in a relationship with them. Trust me, I appreciate it when it’s there, but I have always been the type to trust their word over my own, and that isn’t the best thing all of the time.

I think that for those who have become newly single, or if you are like me, and are just now able to embrace it, you should be try and make more room for being single. Don’t take a week and jump on the relationship train when it stops at your station (good metaphor, eh?). Sometimes, it’s okay to let that train go on by, because guess what? There will always be another one. I used to feel hopeless that no one would come along, now I almost hope that they wouldn’t. I have now come to a place where I don’t actively look. It would take one heck of a guy for me to sacrifice my time, my energy, my single seat at the table. It would take a lot for me to actually flag that train down and allow it to stop (see what I did there?). For now, it keeps moving, and so do I. I have so many aspects in my life that seem to be uncertain. I don’t know where my career, family, or life will take me. I don’t when or where I will meet him, or if I ever will. To me, that’s okay.

Friends keep getting engaged, married, pregnant. Here I am embracing me. For what it’s worth, it’s great to have a little more room in my life. I am now focused on things that matter most. I am focused on the people who matter most.

For me, this new found freedom and solace in singledom has been what I have prayed for. I am beyond grateful that I am finally getting where I have always wanted to be.

More Posts about Singleness on Melissa Faye Blog:

• 7 Mistakes Single Girls Make
• Letter to my Single Self
• Loving Myself
• Dating Apps and Why They are Good

THE SINGLES GUIDE TO VALENTINE'S DAY

So, Valentine's Day is coming around and your index finger is tired from swiping right and left trying to quickly find a guy to take up your Valentine's Day...or night.

If that hasn't worked out for ya, which hello, every guy is probably radio silent so they don't have to get a gift, then here are some ideas for your Valentine's Day that will not make you want to dive into a pint of ice-cream and binge watch romantic comedies.

1. Go out with your girlfriends and look like a million bucks. It may be no secret that if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Get your friends together and go out for a night on the town. Go ahead and get out that dress you've been saving and those sexy heels and go paint the town red. Literally.

2. Stay in and enjoy a delicious dinner, wine, and dessert. Treating yourself can be just that. Have a  night of luxury at home. Cook a good meal, get a good bottle of wine, and enjoy the quiet. Even splurge and take a bubble bath. You don't need a man to do it for you!

3. Do something for others. Sometimes treating others can make you feel good, even if it isn't your boyfriend. Volunteer, make gifts and give them to your loved ones, or just do something that you know will impact others in a positive way. Love isn't exclusive to relationships. You can show love to whomever is in need.

4. Tackle a project and finish it. I love being productive, especially on cheesy hallmark card holidays. I think marking something off of your list makes you feel good about yourself and helps you to worry less about the fact that you're single. Do that DIY project you've been wanting to do, or maybe it's something involving work, or a new recipe you've been wanting to try. Either way, go for it! There's no better time!

5. Just go ahead and eat all the ice-cream and watch all the romantic comedies you want. So, I know I said that this wouldn't be a good idea, but of course it is. Duh! The Notebook, You've Got Mail, 27 Dresses, watch them all. Just pick ones that don't make you want to drown your sorrows and cry into your ice-cream tub. Don't watch Titanic.

Well, I hope these ideas suffice, but if not, do whatever it is you want! Valentine's Day isn't everything, and someday it may just be another day because your significant other treats you like a queen everyday of the year.

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Happy Do What You Want Day, xx!