November 28, 2016

In my life, I have had very few times where I was single. I always felt as though I needed to be in a relationship. I thought I was bad at being single and better when I was in a relationship. Looking back now, I know that thinking wasn’t right. You need to be just as good (if not better) on your own than when you are in a relationship. Otherwise, who is the other person getting? The holidays are always tougher on me now that I am single. When I was in a relationship, or married, I had that person to do those holiday things with like ice skating, looking at lights, making cookies, going to Christmas parties. Now, I do those things with friends or family, and trust me, that isn’t bad. But, deep down there is that longing and aching. I honestly haven’t felt that feeling in months, and I have to say, I am pretty proud of myself for that.

I used to think singleness had no place or room in my life. Me? Single? No way, sister. Not this century! But, I have come to realize that singleness absolutely has a place in my life and is welcomed to sit at my table. I think singleness has allowed me to become who I truly am. I have had to rely on myself during times of stress or trouble. Of course, I pray to the Lord and talk to friends or family if I am in over my head, but it feels good to rely on myself in situations that are hard. It feels good to rely on my own instincts and not feel as though I have to heed to someone else's advice simply because I am in a relationship with them. Trust me, I appreciate it when it’s there, but I have always been the type to trust their word over my own, and that isn’t the best thing all of the time.

I think that for those who have become newly single, or if you are like me, and are just now able to embrace it, you should be try and make more room for being single. Don’t take a week and jump on the relationship train when it stops at your station (good metaphor, eh?). Sometimes, it’s okay to let that train go on by, because guess what? There will always be another one. I used to feel hopeless that no one would come along, now I almost hope that they wouldn’t. I have now come to a place where I don’t actively look. It would take one heck of a guy for me to sacrifice my time, my energy, my single seat at the table. It would take a lot for me to actually flag that train down and allow it to stop (see what I did there?). For now, it keeps moving, and so do I. I have so many aspects in my life that seem to be uncertain. I don’t know where my career, family, or life will take me. I don’t when or where I will meet him, or if I ever will. To me, that’s okay.

Friends keep getting engaged, married, pregnant. Here I am embracing me. For what it’s worth, it’s great to have a little more room in my life. I am now focused on things that matter most. I am focused on the people who matter most.

For me, this new found freedom and solace in singledom has been what I have prayed for. I am beyond grateful that I am finally getting where I have always wanted to be.

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