January 27, 2016

I am a planner, and I also have an addiction to planners. I buy the Simplified Planner from Emily Ley every year, and let me tell you, the $55-$60 are worth every year! I love the ability to write out my tasks for the day, cross them out, write appointment times, and meeting times. I love the ability to write what I am cooking for dinner, even though it never really works out that way. Thanks, Panera.

I would love to be able to plan out the next 5 years of my life, 10 years, 20 years. I would love to be able to wake up, map out my day, and it go exactly according to plan. How much easier would life be? How much more convenient would my days be? Um. VERY! I would be able to schedule my day, "unschedule" the stuff I don't want to happen, and move on with life smoothly and comfortably.

Unfortunately, this is the real world and that isn't possible. I would never have planned my life to go the way it has. It's amazing to me what can happen in the blink of an eye, a minute, an hour, a day, or month. Years have brought forth significant change. One minute my world makes total sense, and the next day, my life is completely shaken to its core.

I have always loved being able to see into the future with my very tunnel vision eyes. I wanted to be married by 24, have a child at 27, and my second at 30. I wanted to have a house with an open floor plan, large yard, and a dog or two. I wanted to have a job I loved, but a family I could love even more. I wanted my parents to be married, living in a house big enough for 12, where my sister and I could bring our families for holidays. I wanted my life to be what I saw others' lives being. There are so many people who have lived their life according to my plan, and at one point in the last year this enraged me. I kept seeing Facebook announcements of weddings, babies, and more babies.

We aren't able to choose how our life goes. There is nothing wrong with having goals, or a direction in life, but when the destination outshines the journey, that's when we can have a problem. I don't want to be so worried about being "there", "there" being married, a mother, etc. I want to be focused on the journey and what it took to get me where I am, or will be.

Planners can't be choosers. Everyday I must remember to surrender my plans to the plans of God. He knows better. He knows what I need and when I need it. I am so thankful that I didn't have everything I wanted. I am so thankful that my worse will bring something better.

Happy Wednesday, xx.

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