February 20, 2014

photo edited with the Waterlogue app
I like to write posts that kind of feel like we are in the room talking to each other. These are like my "coffee date" posts. I just have the need to share what's on my heart and type them out. I haven't blogged since Valentine's Day and for good reason.

I think Valentine's Day hit me pretty hard this year. I was also sick that day, which made it no bueno. I had plans to travel to my sister and brother in law's new house on a base they were just recently stationed. I was excited. I was also relieved I had something to do on Valentine's Day that included my favorite people - my family. Time with them sometimes helps me forget the other not-so-good things in my life. The day just brought up a lot of old feelings. The sadness, anger, and confusion all welled up inside of me.

I also tried to stay off social media as much as I could. Ya know, the flowers, the candy, the sweet little photos of couples...It was getting to be a little too much. I wondered throughout the day, why my life had changed so drastically while other couples were blissfully celebrating. What had I done wrong? What was I missing? The truth is, you can't really compare your life to that of someone else's. No one said, "Thou must have a date on Valentine's Day", so why did I feel like I was missing out? Here's why:

I was reminded once again that I was alone.

Now, don't run and hand me a box of tissues. I am okay. I have had my chance at love, and I don't regret that. What I do regret is the pressure I have put on myself to have someone new - "to move on, get over it, find someone else". Why have I beat myself up over "still" being single? It's not like it's been years. It's been 9 months. Nine! A friend of mine and I were having a conversation about singleness and being in our 20s. Our singleness is different, but we are single all the same. I am starting over, while she is starting out. Your 20s is the time to take advantage. I know I have said that before, but it really hit me today. What am I doing with my time? Am I wasting it, or am I taking every opportunity to set the tone for the rest of my life?

I think I may take some time to really evaluate where I am and where I want to go in my life. There is so much pressure to have everything figured out. It's a constant hurry up and wait scenario. I think the 20-somethings out there can agree that early adulthood is a trying time. So much changes, yet I feel like my body and mind are at odds with each other. Some days I still feel 17. There's constant questioning and wondering, "Will my career ever take off? Where do I want to live? Should I continue my education? Where can I meet people? What skills/training should I pursue? Am I ready to settle down? I want to travel, but how do I come up with the resources? Am I spending too much? Should I be saving more? Will I have anything to spare to create savings? Will my student loans ever be paid off?" See what I mean? And all of this even without relationship troubles to think about!

All of this is just bouncing around in my brain at all hours of the day. I say all of this to say, no I do not have it figured out. Who does?

If you or someone you know does have it figured out, tell them to shoot me an email! 


  1. I prefer to avoid all the flower/Valentine's posts, too. It's just kind of overwhelming, for anyone.

  2. You aren't alone in it hitting hard this year. I had to log off because of some newly engaged friends being WAY to sugary sweet with each other (yes, they deserve it at this point in the relationship but still) because I was mad. I was mad I was alone. I was mad the STBX gave up but still wants to be friends. I was mad that I don't know how to date, let alone find a date. I was mad that the truth is I'm not ready to date. So don't feel alone, you aren't.

  3. 1. I love your image and how it's edited above
    2. I like your "coffee date" convo style of writing
    And 3. No one has it figured out :) everyday is your own adventure!