I feel refreshed, although it was a nightmare getting up this morning for work. I had spent 11 days total away from home, and I have to admit it was good for me. Coming back I felt like I was ready to make some decisions in my life. I have goals (yep, never too late in the year for new goals) and I definitely see a light at the end of the tunnel for me. I think goals should ebb and flow just as our lives do. What I thought was important in January may not be as important now.
I want to feel a sense of control again in my life. I cannot control all of my circumstances, but I can control how I react to them. Some of the reactions and methods I have developed to cope are unhealthy. When you go through something difficult there are new emotions and feelings that seem to bubble up. It's uncomfortable and I don't like it. I don't like how it makes me feel and I don't like how it makes me act. I don't like the way it makes me look at the world and see that it's a little darker than I thought. The truth is, life isn't a fairytale. It's never going to be. Love isn't a fairytale either. I had to learn that the very hard way.
I think despite what I have been through, I am still ready to embrace the things that are good. I am ready to move forward and get things in my life together. I want to be my very best self without being in a relationship. I want to be who I am without the added pressure of catering to another person. I think through all of the darkness, there is still a lot of light in the world. There are still good times to be had. There are still good people to meet and know.
More on those goals in another post!