Since I have been in the dating game, which has drastically changed since the first time I started dating (back in 2003). I have developed some legitimate fears about dating and I wanted to share them with you today. Now, dating can be a wonderful and significant experience. I have already learned so much, but I still have some lingering fears.

1. Feeling like I need to lax my standards (or gasp: settle). 
Coming off of a divorce makes you a bit (read: a lot) more cautious about your choice of partner. There are some things I read on social media or on other blogs or websites that cause my jaw to drop! I once heard on "This American Life" that it's relatively normal for a girl to date a weed dealer. She said almost all of her friends have dated at least one weed dealer and it isn't a big deal.😞 I may be a bit old-school, but that sounds like something I would never want to be a part of. Something about it being illegal or police or something...whatever.

I definitely don't conform to the world's standards, but it's amazing to me how low they've gotten. Oh, and don't even get me started on the "being over 30" thing. People basically expect you to date someone whose breathing and that's about it.

2. Never talking on the phone again. 
I get it. Texting is way more convenient and what monster would call a woman, but I genuinely appreciate the effort taken to make a phone call to make plans or to just ask how I'm doing. I don't ever want to feel that calling or being called is taboo. I mean, the phones can make phone calls for a reason. And no, not just to call 911 in the case of an emergency.

3. Thinking relationships are only the highlight reel.
Being on social media can make you feel a bit out of touch when it comes to romance. Couples are adorable, don't get me wrong. And then, you throw in a cute dog or a baby, and I am SOLD! But, social media only shows the highlight reel. Relationships are messy, confusing, and hard work. The biggest concern for me is that I will forget that and only see the relationship for what I think it's supposed to be: a blissful, beautiful Newsfeed. It isn't. Relationships for me used to be so easy (at first), but if you broke it down to compatibility, they were a lot harder than they should have been. I want a relationship where I can be myself, but also a healthier version of myself. I also want to be a bit more private about who I am dating. Who says you have to share EVERYTHING?!

4. Getting murdered. 
Okay, so this one is a bit far-fetched, and I encourage you to not read these stories. When I first joined dating sites, I started hearing from all sorts of people horror stories about women meeting men who were convicts or homeless or serial killers and had no idea. Cut to them being kidnapped and murdered or cut up into little pieces and stuffed into their own garbage cans.

Now, truthfully, I'd much rather date in the ways of my youth, by just good ole proximity, but it doesn't work that way anymore. I am not around a significant number of single available men all day, so I have to step out of my comfort zone. I am also not a bar hopper or club goer, so yeah, this is one of my only options. The other option? Arranged marriage. I could dig it.

So, those are my legit fears about dating in my 30's. Can you relate? Also, I am taking applications for nice guys, so send them my way! :)

MY FAVORITE PODCASTS + RECOMMENDATIONS

I always feel like I am discovering new podcasts, and just like I send texts to my friends letting them know about the podcasts I've found, I am going to share with you my favorite podcasts!

I feel like everyone has a podcast these days. I mean, even Teen Mom cast members have podcasts, so I guess it's free game when it comes to this social media outlet. Podcasts are not a new thing. They have been around for years, but just in the last year or two, I have really gotten into them. I am pretty much into any mode of getting information in audio format. If you can "read" books on Audible, then you can certainly get sucked into a juicy podcast.

Also, if you have any good podcasts, please share them with me! I don't discriminate 😊

Dirty John: Holy freaking crap! This podcast, while short (only 6 episodes), literally blew my mind. I was so intrigued with the story and the outcome was certainly unexpected. If you have every been burned or lied to in a significant way (I have), this podcast may be a bit of a trigger for you, but the story is straight out of a prime time soap. Discretion advised since there's some language and chit chat about sensitive topics. 

Goal Digger Podcast: For the goal digger at heart, this is a great podcast for tips on business, social media, influencing others, etc. I love Jenna Kutcher's realness and it has definitely opened my eyes about the landscape of social media and marketing. If you are into that sorta thing, this is for you!

Atlanta Monster: This comes from the same host as "Up and Vanished", which is also based in Georgia. Being a Georgia girl and having grown up in the Atlanta area, this podcast is so interesting, heartbreaking, and eye opening. It touches on sensitive issues and there's some language, but since this occurred before I was born, I really like to listen and gain more understanding about Atlanta during that time. Several African-American boys (more than several, 31 accounted for) were taken, tortured, asphyxiated, and murdered. The murderer was supposedly captured...Or was he? Discretion advised since there's some language and chit chat about sensitive topics. 

This American Life: If you love current events, sociology, psychology, gut-wrenching topics, this podcast is for you! The episodes vary, so it's not something that is technically a series, but every episode is packed with great information and interesting tid-bits. I love the ones that touch on millennial or modern topics like finding new friends as an adult, the difficulty to be vulnerable, and plenty more! Check it out for sure! Discretion advised since there's some language. 

Up and Vanished: This series has long been finished for me, but it is such a heartbreaking story and it literally sucked me in within minutes. A Georgia high school teacher goes missing and so many unknowns are presented that you can't help to stick with it to find out more. This is a developing story, so catch up so you can get the latest info as it's released. Discretion advised since there's some language and chit chat about sensitive topics. 

Teen Mom Trash Talk: If you love to hate Teen Mom OG or Teen Mom 2, this podcast is for you. This podcast had humble beginnings, but is gaining it's footing. Now, if you easily get offended, or can't take a joke, this podcast is not for you. I think comedy is uncomfortable sometimes, and things that are funny are typically true and somewhat offensive. Again, not for the faint of heart, but has left me in stitches laughing. Discretion advised since there's some language. 

The Vanished: This podcast has done wonders for those with missing loved ones. Every week a new case is discovered and details are released to help families find their loved ones. One case was solved with the help of this podcast and I think it's so important to keep the discussion open about missing people, both adults and children. You never know, you may help to find someone on this podcast.

This is not an exhaustive list, trust me. I could literally list about 20, but maybe I'll go through another list of them soon. Share your faves too!

THOUGHTS ON SOCIAL MEDIA

Social media has changed so much in the last couple of years and I have had some thoughts about this for a while now. I have had some moments on Instastories and shared my thoughts and did some polls to see if I was alone in my thoughts and feelings. The overtly edited, polished, and perfect photos of Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter not only frustrate me, but leave me feeling less inspired than ever.

Whenever I get on Facebook or Instagram (my two faves) I like to see the BTS (behind-the-scenes) view of my favorite bloggers, businesses, and entrepreneurs. Lately, it's been more like polished advertisements. I used to look through these posts and feel less than and compare my own photos, blog posts, life, and feel lower than low. I kept thinking that I will never get to this point and if this is what it takes to run a successful blog or business, I will never get there. I don't have fancy equipment, or freelance photographers at my dispose. I am just sharing my thoughts and my story and hoping that it can help someone feel less alone. I like to use this platform in the way that I think it was intended for, to build community and relate to people (#relatable).

So, a couple of weeks ago I unfollowed a BUNCH of bloggers and influencers (that word 😐). If they didn't inspire me or made me feel bad about myself or frustrated, be gone! I have to say, it felt liberating to take back control of who I decide to follow. No one has to follow anybody, but sometimes I feel like I'll miss out, or maybe one day I'll enjoy following them again. I can always go back and follow them if I choose to, but for the time I do spend on Instagram, I want to spend it on people and things that matter.

Twitter is a WHOLE other story. I haven't been on Twitter since before Christmas, but I don't see myself returning any time soon. For those who use Twitter regularly, how do not go insane with every other post being about politics? It's really like a 24/7 hostile news network. People are always ranting and arguing and acting like their opinion is 100% right 100% of the time. I even got in a little tiff with someone I enjoyed following about whether or not Taylor Swift should be more open about her political beliefs. Taylor. Swift. Like, really. My thing is, celebrities represent a very small fraction (verrry small) of the American people, and honestly, they are so out of touch sometimes, I rarely claim them altogether. Using your platform for good is one thing. Using it to bash or bully another political party...Um, no thank you. So, bye bye, Twitter. Until next time. Or maybe not.

So, tell me, what are your thoughts on social media? Do you find it frustrating, boring, or just insignificant?

FEBRUARY 2018 GOALS

Yay for getting my 2018 PowerSheets from Cultivate What Matters! I was so excited/overwhelmed when I received them, so it took me a couple of days to finally get my February goals down.

I didn't want to go too deep into a few of my goals, so I covered them with stickers. Plus, one is a surprise, so I have to keep that under wraps! 😜

My main goals are centered about my Spiritual growth, health, and working out. I am also working to branch out more at my job, so I am attending an event that connects me with other staff and departments that I wouldn't normally see or connect with. I am REALLY nervous about that one. Just the thought of meeting someone brand new and dedicating 30 minutes to an hour with them is like, "Yikes"! But I will get through it.

I have joined Weight Watchers and am trying their new FreeStyle program. Thus far, it's okay. Nothing is wrong with the program, but I have not been tracking everyday like I should, hence my eating has been way off. I am going to work harder to track and gauge where I am, but I don't think WW is going to be long-term for me. The plan can get expensive, and another goal is to budget and cut out extras. Yes, WW is important, but again, expensive. 

I am working on my daily goal to read one Bible Scripture a day, and the YouVersion has basically been doing all of the work on this one. The app will send me a daily verse and I read it and it checks it off for me on my account. I can go back and see how many days I read or missed, and it's just a really cool accountability tool. Anyone else doing that this month/year? 

Prepping my meals on Sundays is becoming the norm for me, and I hope to keep it going! I think it's so much better for my schedule to have all of my meats, veggies, and fruits ready to go.

I will update you at the end of the month and let you know my goals for March as well! Happy planning and accomplish those goals!

"Progress Not Perfection." - Lara Casey

DEALING WITH PARENTS' DIVORCE AS AN ADULT

Dealing with a divorce can seem isolating. The end of a marriage that is your own is one thing (been there), but the feelings that come with your parents' divorce ending after 31 years, are overwhelming. My parents decided to tell me over the phone on a Friday afternoon that they had filed for divorce. I knew something was wrong when my Dad called me and asked me if I was home yet from work, or still driving. They know better to not tell me heartbreaking news while I am behind the wheel.

During this time my grandfather was also in hospice and was not given much time left. I figured when he had called me initially he was going to tell me that he had passed away. When my parents put the phone on speaker and told me they were ending their 30+ year marriage, I fell to the floor. I couldn't grasp the words they were telling me because it was shocking, and I expected something totally different to be told to me that day. I prepared in my head for the words that my grandfather passed away, but whole other death took place that day. I felt like my family life as I knew it had died. My parents were no longer together and their marriage was no longer a proud talking point for me. My friends' parents had all divorced in elementary, middle, and high school. I had one friend whose parents decided to divorce right after she got married and was given the news upon her return from their honeymoon. My parents' marriage had stood the test of time, or so I thought.

My initial reaction I am not proud of. I was hurt, but mostly angry. They had witnessed my divorce just a couple of years earlier and knew how fragile I was. They saw everything that I had dreamed of slip away. They saw me hit rock bottom and have to start all over. Who would choose to go through that after 30 years? Who would want to navigate their late adult life alone? I couldn't understand it and I was angry that I even had to endure this once again. If I could go back now, I would have cut my parents some slack. The shock of their divorce really shouldn't have been so shocking. My parents are what you would call "oil and water". They do not mix, but they spent their entire lives stirring, shaking, and working like hell to make it all stay together.

As time went on I felt everything possible associated with grief. Little by little, my parents began to share more details about the breakdown of their marriage and all of the moments that things went wrong. I read an article that stated it best:

"First, you hate to see their marriage end because it represents the foundation on which your life was built. Second, by focusing on what you can do to get them to stay together, you can ease and/or avoid your unsettling feelings about them splitting apart." Article found here. 

In my mind I was still trying to sort out ways for them to work it out. As time went on, I realized it wasn't one thing that triggered it all. It was years of things that have happened. I couldn't fix it and it wasn't my job to, no matter how hard I would try. Looking back I just kept thinking about times that my parents' marriage was difficult, or when they were fighting a lot, and I just remember how horrible it felt. I remember distinctly as a child remembering a time where things were pretty bad and I cried and asked if they were getting a divorce. The strange part was those feelings felt exactly like they did the day my parents told me they were splitting up. I think at any age it's a hard thing to understand and cope with. 

Now that it has been almost three years, I have been coping the best I can. I still feel like it isn't real some days, and some days it feels like I just received the call yesterday. We have still managed to spend time together during holidays and important occasions, although it won't feel like it did. We were a very tight-knit family. We all went to the grocery store together and had multiple annual vacations and spent hours talking as a family all of the time. We were just close. Things have changed for sure, and it's sad, but just as my divorce didn't kill me, this won't either. Learning to navigate as a family is learning to navigate change. When I get married someday and have a family, the whole dynamic will change again and we'll adjust. 

If you are an adult dealing with a parents' divorce, just know that it does get easier. My heart breaks for you, but the sadness will fade and your mind will stop racing and looking for ways to fix it. It can be a hard change, but a manageable one. Just let go of your own expectations and look for ways to accept the situation for what it is. It does get better. 

2018 GOALS

Jess Watters

Every year I say the year has flown by, but 2017? Yeah, that year flew by and I almost forgot to post my goals for 2018! I hate when I do that.

This past year you can recap here in this post, but 2017 was one for the books. I can say I gained a lot of clarity in various areas of my life, but I still have a lot of unanswered questions. I can say that this year I am more hopeful and motivated than I have been in many, many years. Just this week I am working over my normal hours (typically 12-15) at my part time job to get me ahead on some of my bills (may get between 25-30 additional to the 40 I already work). This year financially will be triumphant. I can feel it!

Bruno Nascimento

I really wanted to keep my goals simple, reasonable, and attainable. I hate the feeling of shame I get when I over-commit. I tend to give up too quickly and feel down on myself. NOT this year!

I keep these goals on my Notes app so they are always accessible and ready to be checked off!

1. Run a mile without stopping (haven't done this since high school)
2. Host Fresh Friends (my 3 babes and I have an inside joke about our group name) in Nashville
3. Take a weekend trip to Chicago (I'm only a 7 hour drive away)
4. Pay off at least two credit cards
5. Save up $500
6. Eat healthier 6 days a week (doing so on my Weight Watchers app)
7. Attend church 3 times a month
8. Read Scripture daily (YouVersion app makes this easy)
9. Exercise and move my body 4 days a week
10. Journal regularly (not necessarily daily, but weekly is reasonable)
11. Budget and do not go beyond my means

Christin Hume

What are your goals for 2018?

FOUR EYES + WARBY PARKER

Warby Parker is an amazingly stylish eye wear company that releases new styles with each season. I personally haven't seen a more affordable option for eyeglasses, that also allows you to try on your glasses for 5 days! This is a service Warby Parker has been doing for years and it's free to try and free to ship back the ones you don't want!

The Spring 2018 has been released and I wanted to share my favorite frames with you! If you want to check out the Spring 2018 Collection for yourself, follow this link!

How cool are these frames that look like wood? And the gold metal?! I am IN!

Which ones are your favorite?

2017 WRAP UP

This year has definitely been one for the books. From moving to a new state and city, to leaving friends behind and making new ones, I have had my fair share of change and excitement. If you've been following along on this blog for some time, you know that the last 5 years or so haven't been the easiest. I don't think I've suffered more than anyone else, so please don't think that. I know that plenty of people have experienced loss, divorce, and death before. For me, it just seems to happen a lot more frequently than I'd like, but I can honestly say that I feel like I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Being 31 and having experienced what I have has made me who I am today.

This year as far as my anxiety goes, it has been better than many years passed. I feel like I have a handle on how my brain works when I am anxious and I have learned tools that help me to pinpoint what is actually anxiety and reality. No, the two aren't always related (isn't that fun?). I feel like with anxiety, you're more sensitive, on edge, and fearful. Things that normally wouldn't be a big deal are, and this year I feel more inclined to recognize when this is happening. I don't have the uneasiness I once did and I am working harder to come out of my shell around strangers and new people in my life.

Social media wise, things have been hard this year. I have felt attacked, belittled, and insignificant when it comes to my political and religious beliefs. These are things that are so personal and I don't share them with just anyone (although if you're my friend on Facebook you can see what I believe in). I hate the bashing that's gone on in all directions. It's so uncomfortable and the level is unnecessary (again referring to social media). I feel that so many people have become exactly what they say they hate (aka hateful). It's disheartening, but my hope is eternally in Jesus, and no one else. I don't think like a lot of people and my beliefs have and always will be different. I feel like my calling is to be in the world, but not of it. You do what you wish, but I don't have to be like you or think like you. Guess what? That's okay!

On the dating scene, things have been...interesting. I went on a few dates this year, but nothing worth mentioning. The dating pool is somewhat small, because again, politics. I have seen more people say, "Trump/Hillary supporters swipe left" than ever in my life. It certainly didn't feel that way the last election, but again, I digress (also see above). I am not trying to run away from the fact that it is this way, but it's just not me to be that way. I like to know all aspects of a person. If things don't align in some areas, that's fine. They just need to love Jesus and people. The rest is just preference. 

Financially, I would say this has been the best year. I am working toward stopping the credit card cycle and working to pay those balances off! I really hope for it be paid off sooner than later because I am tired and I have no social life 😃. But, this is the price to be paid. Don't rely on credit cards ever and have a budget. Simple. I've also ventured into owning my own business with SeneGence and it's so fun! I get paid to play with make up! (LipSense color is Blu-Red on my lips!)

This year has had its challenges, but it's had its amazing moments, too! Here's to bigger and better in 2018!

How was your year? Please share with me below!

THE THIRTY-SOMETHING'S GUIDE TO DEBT

Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash

I did a recent Instagram poll that asked if you wanted to see more about my journey through paying down (and OFF) my debt. Many of you (100% of you actually) were on board and gave a resounding "YES", which was exhilarating and terrifying. See, I am a brand-new on this eliminate debt train. If anything, I was all aboard the sister train of the eliminate debt train, heading at blazing speed in the opposite direction called the "buy all I can and don't care about it" train. That train has since stopped running. Thank the heavens!

I thought I would give a little more insight into my situation and maybe inspire some of you to start your own financial wellness journey, because that's exactly what it is. Your financial wellness is just as important as your physical, spiritual, and emotional wellness. If my financial life is in ruins, you can bet other aspects of my life are going up in flames as well. Money connects us to everything, as much as I hate to admit that. It's true.

Growing up my parents did not budget. I never saw them sit down and look over the expenses for the month or have a detailed discussion on how they would pay for my cheer uniform or private tumbling lessons. When I was in high school I worked part time during my senior year. I would leave school at 11:30 and work between 5 and 9 hours a day at Chick-Fil-A.Truth be known, my check was cashed and two hours later, it was all spent. After all, I didn't pay for a car, or insurance, or cell phone bill.

Fast forward to college when I bought my own clothes, but my parent still supported me. My last year of college I took on my monthly car payment and car insurance. I still had no concept of a budget, or of needing to save money. If I needed something, I called my parents.

When I was married, it hit me pretty hard that I was now on my own. I obsessed over my bank account, my expenses, everything. The first couple of months we didn't have cable or internet. We just needed to find some footing before adding on other expenses. We were pretty frugal, but we still spent more than we should have. Still no savings and my 401k was just starting to build. As time went on, our income would become unsteady. Around the last year of our marriage, the credit cards started, and they didn't end. We put groceries, unexpected trips, gas, eating out, pretty much everything on credit cards. I had two credit cards, and after my divorce, paid them off. I now have several credit cards. A small bad decision led to bigger ones, and here I am today. I am not a finance blogger and while I've made some really good steps this year, I am nowhere near complete with this process.

Here are the steps I have taken that I will expand on in the next few months:

1. Opened a savings account for automated deposits.
2. Took on a part-time job that helps me earn between $150-$200 a week.
3. Set up a monthly budget with the EveryDollar app (created by Dave Ramsey).
4. Consolidated all credit card and personal loan debt into one monthly payment. This was done through Greenpath, and I can't recommend them enough. They work on your behalf to lower your payments and your interest rate so the payment is more manageable.
5. Temporarily ceased contribution to my 403b to save up an emergency fund. Ideally, this would be 3 months worth of expenses.
6. Stopped using credit for EVERYTHING and only use cash.
7. Pay all monthly bills at once with my monthly paycheck, and pay all weekly bills with weekly paycheck.
8. Started using Ebates to earn me cash back on purchases I would make anyway. Since I am without a credit card and can't redeem cash back, this is the next best thing! Click here to get $10 automatically by setting up an account with Ebates! **affiliate link

I will share more of my strategies in upcoming blog posts. Since this is taking up so much of my brain right now, I may share multiple times a week. I really would like to inspire and motivate others so we can be there for each other. This process is hard and it doesn't happen over night. Let's get some support going!

10 THINGS I LEARNED FROM MOVING OUT OF STATE

I was born and raised in Georgia and although I had a four year stint in Alabama, I didn't have to prepare in the same ways I did when moving to Nashville this year. Moving out of state can be stressful and the logistics can be quite overwhelming. I anticipated so much anxiety about my move, but I honestly have done really well considering. It's been a little over 8 months and I feel as though I am still learning so much about this new city.

I had only visited Nashville once before I applied to work at Belmont University. I remembered the city being full of hustle and bustle, but I was also on Broadway (eye roll). Trust me, there is WAY more to Nashville than the honky tonks and bars on Broadway. This city actually has a lot of culture and a lot of things to explore. Its a music hub, but also a hub for local art, culinary delights, and the great outdoors! Have I sold you, yet?

When I decided to relocate out of state I was concerned with two things. 1. Housing and 2. Cost. Obviously, these things are super important because if you are like me, your budget is very limited!

Here are 10 things I learned when moving out of state.

1. Housing is your primary concern, so make it your primary priority. 
If you are coming to a new place and literally have two weeks to find housing, you need to start in the obvious places. Google and Facebook! I ended up finding my first living situation via Facebook and it was a God send! It was a house with two other roommates, rent and utilities included, and a decent commute. I wouldn't have chosen that location on my own, but it definitely helped me in the beginning. Don't be totally sold on your first place. Even think about doing a short-term lease. Unless you've really lived there, you won't know how it will work for you. Also, Google apartments or houses in the area and see what pops up.

2. Be willing to be flexible. 
Again, you may not find your perfect apartment right away. You may even be able to do something as temporary as a hotel. For me, I needed all of my belongings up here and somewhere to put them.

3. Embrace homesickness and loneliness. 
I tried like heck to feel all the emotions that comes with leaving a familiar place, job, friends, and family. I didn't isolate myself, but I didn't hit the town running either. I wanted to feel all of those things so I could move on and get on with my new life as quickly as possible.

4. Do some exploring.
Always find out about your surroundings and do a little aimless driving. You never know what you may come across.

5. Budget, budget, and budget. 
Always determine what you can spend on moving expenses before you hammer down an apartment. I ended up having my dad move everything for me, and I was fortunate he could make the drive in one day. If you're moving across country, you may not have that luxury. Sell all you can, downsize if you need to, and donate unused or unnecessary items. It's always easier to move less!

6. Ask around. 
When I got to my new job, I asked all of my co-workers about everything. I asked about food, cleaners, auto mechanics, doctors, etc. Chances are they will know a lot and be willing to help you out since they are your amazing new co-workers.

7. Find a church or social club. 
I am still working on this one, but it's always good to surround yourself with like-minded people. Find a church or try Meetup.com, or other social organizations. You may find your new bestie!

8. Keep in touch. 
Once I moved away I had to find time and ways to keep connected with my friends from back home. We FaceTime, get on House Party, and text as much as we can. It helps me to feel like I am in a familiar place and gives me that sense of comfort!

9. Get a city guide. 
I am fortunate to have the Nashville Guide whenever I need it. There's everything from restaurants to parks to coffee shops to bars in there and it helps me to find some footing when I want to explore and go somewhere new. See if your new city has something similar!

10. Always include local flare. 
Once you're beginning to feel settled do and buy things to support your town and local businesses. Nashville has so many things that I could literally fill up my entire apartment with art, coffee mugs, posters, etc. Even if you are moving out into the abyss, find something that will help you appreciate your new surroundings!

Any other advice I missed?? Leave a comment below!

IS FOMO KILLING ME?

via

I have to say that more often than not I get envious of others as I scroll through my Instagram and Facebook feed. Especially lately, its been one pregnancy announcement after another, and I am thinking maybe there's a club I am not aware of. If anyone knows about this club where couples gather and decide when to all get pregnant, let me know, low key.

I am in a unique place in my life where I am single, but independent, and really working hard to get in a better place mentally, emotionally, financially, and physically. I can work on myself when others are seemingly working on their growing their families, their marriages, their business, etc. I am in a place where I've made decisions in my life that didn't pan out, but I am also taking risks. Not a lot of married couples or parents can take these kinds of risks. I am also in a new city with a small support system, and no family closer than two and a half hours. I have learned to become very self-sufficient. I have learned to lean a little less on others and more on myself and God (that's a whole other blog post though).

I am also in a place where I see so many people tackling their dreams with all they have and I am kind of sitting wondering, "What next"? I have already moved to a new state and rent my own apartment. I have already earned my Master's degree, and purchased my own car, and been in relationships, and been through a divorce (not a dream of mine, but hang on). I say all that to say, I have already been through so much and done so much, and I guess I am more-so sitting here wondering, "What can I possibly do that I haven't already done"? I know you're probably thinking there's plenty more I could accomplish, but again, I am in a unique place.

I'd love to drop everything and become a travel blogger or work remotely while changing the world. I'd love to start my own business and open up the most beautiful and warm coffee shop known to man. I'd love to pay off all of my debts and just travel somewhere new every month not worrying about cost or expense because I am hella frugal and smart with my money.

The truth is, all of those things seem nice, but none of them make my heart go pitter-patter. It sounds really crazy, but the thing that keeps me up at night and makes my heart skip is the thought of becoming a wife and mother. It's again what I see in all of my Instagram stories and blog posts and Facebook news. The two things I want to be, and guess what, I have no control over either of them. I never thought I'd get back to this place where my heart longs to love another, but here I am. The only two things I haven't accomplished yet. People will give me understanding looks and tell me I'll look back and appreciate this time, but right now all I keep thinking about is the shrinking amount of time I'll get to be with them, my husband, and children someday. All of the days I could have been preparing a meal for them, or all of the nights I was longing to meet them, when I could have been feeding them, or rocking them back to sleep. The trips I may one day take with my family, but not the one I call my own. I could open 100 coffee shops and not feel any fuller in my heart.

I want to be happy for those who've finally found what they're looking for, but a part of me just wants to cry...again. I feel this sadness and this pain that doesn't seem to go away. I know that a husband and family can't fulfill everything, but what if that's my heart beat and my deepest desire? What if it doesn't go away so that I don't get jaded or forget why I am here? I can't fill it with other #girlboss dreams, because truth be known, I am more of a #girlwife or a #girlmom than a #girlboss anyway...And guess what? That doesn't make me any less strong, or fierce, or independent. It just means I haven't found my dream yet.

We're all dreaming, right? 

COFFEE TALK

GUYS! It has been FOREVER since I last blogged. I didn't plan on this months long hiatus, and frankly, I am a little upset that I let it go on for this long. I am so sorry I have left this little bloggy in the dust. That was not my intention.

Luckily, no one messaged me asking if I was alright or dead...Wait, is that a good or bad thing? :)

I have so much stuff to catch you guys up on, but here's the gist. I am still single, not pregnant, and still employed! Woo! I also still reside in Nashville, in case you were wondering. The transition to this big little city has been a long and hard road, but I have to say, things are looking up. I have gleaned so much from this place and I plan to share more about that as my posts go on.

Without any further delay, because we all know that's been a theme around here, let's get into coffee talk! (By the way, this is the best way I know to get back in the swing of things. Sorry this post isn't more exciting for you).

FEELING: Super giddy about Fall! The leaves are starting to change in Nashville and the temps are cooling down. All I want on the daily is soup, chili, a blanket, and a cozy film to watch. I am actually going to be making large batches of chili and soup over the next few days to freeze and have whenever I want! I also can't wait to go to Cheekwood and check out the pumpkin house. It's a house made of pumpkins, and it's the most wonderful basic thing I could ever experience. #basic

THANKFUL FOR: I am just thankful for my job situation right now. I feel in the last few months my stress level has gone WAY down and for that I am so thankful. I was on a roller coaster at my previous job and it was honestly a very unhealthy situation. Situations like that shouldn't exist in my opinion and I am never going through that again!

EATING: I have been eating a lot of Lean Cuisines. They are getting healthier and less filled with junk, so I don't feel bad getting them as much anymore. Also, I can't get enough frozen pizza! Sorry, not sorry. Oh, and Halloween candy!!!

LOVING: I am loving all kinds of random things, so I will just list them here. Dustin Lynch, coffee (always), booties at Target for under $40, Fall clothes, pumpkins, Manhunt: Unabomber on Netflix.

So, if you are reading this, tell me what's up with you. Also, yell at me for leaving this blog for SO LONG!

LINKS AND LOVES

source

Happy Friday, everyone! I know. It's been way too long since I have posted. Since moving to Nashville things have been crazy and it's just like, "hey girl, when you gonna have time to blog?" The short answer is I don't know. The long answer is IIIII dddoonn'ttttt knnnooowwww. See what I did there?

Here are my top links from this week. Feel free to click and enjoy along with me!

1. The art of the messy bun. Since I have curly hair almost every hairstyle is messy? But, if I get my butt into gear and actually straighten this mess out, this would be the bun I would choose. Warmer weather equals hair outta my face.

2. The annoyance of the Unicorn Frappuccino from Starbucks. Yada yada sugar sugar yada yada gross. We get it. No, I won't be trying it.

3. Trying to be financially fit. Trust me, it is hard, but I am getting there. Goodbye debt, hello stress-free (ish) life!

4. I kinda wanna go to a barbershop. They cut women's hair. What do you think?

This week's Friday feature is of our favorite @scoutsbarbershop ✨ affordable cuts for men, women & kids... Plus their East location is just a couple minutes from our property! Book your stay with us through the link in our profile and go see them while you're here for a little pampering 😎 that's what vacation is all about right?

A post shared by McCarn bnb - East Nashville (@mccarnbnb) on Apr 21, 2017 at 6:10am PDT

5. Literally my favorite coffee drink of all time in Nashville. Go to Barista Parlor Germantown if you are ever in the area.

Prettiest coffee ☕️🌺

A post shared by MELISSA FAYE (@melissafayeblog) on Apr 12, 2017 at 4:43pm PDT

6. The "Missing Maura Murray" podcast. If you like true crime and mysteries, this is one podcast you'll want to subscribe to. The two guys hosting the podcast have been investigating since 2014. They are also in the process of producing a documentary.

7. If you haven't watched Nail Career Education on YouTube, you need to fast. Not only is it fascinating and oddly soothing to watch, but it literally makes me want to do my own nails. But, uh, maybe not.

What are your favorite links/stories from this week? Also, what are your plans this weekend?

WHEN THINGS CHANGE

Pretty soon things in my life will be completely different. Where I live, where I work, the people I will interact with on a daily basis will be completely different. The last time things significantly changed for me was in 2010. I feel that year was a culmination of everything you could possibly experience in one year. I started a new job, graduated from college, broke up with a longtime boyfriend, started a new relationship, got engaged, my sister got engaged, got married, my sister moved to another state, I lived with a man for the first time, learned about married life and being a wife. Everything! Not to mention during that time I experienced so much backlash from my friends about my decisions. No one was really supportive, but I moved forward anyway. I did everything in the midst of no support, and I have to tell you it was extremely hard. While what I was experiencing was essentially positive, the effects were quite negative. This is when my anxiety really began, so when things start to change, even a little bit, I experience anxiety.

This time things are truly changing for the better and on a good note. I am moving to an unknown town, but thankfully I will have an awesome roommate and my living situation couldn’t be more perfect. Things with my living situation went from okay to good to great in about a span of a week. Initially, I was going to live in a basement apartment in a house in East Nashville. The house was okay, and the price was okay, but I still felt apprehensive about who would be living above me. A house is very different from an apartment. Houses really aren’t built for privacy, especially post World War II houses. I knew that privacy and noise would be an issue, but I didn’t have much time to make a decision, so I moved forward while looking at other options. I started to ask around and research good neighborhoods.

While Nashville has boomed in the last 5 years, there are still some spotty neighborhoods that haven’t quite turned their corner yet. I started looking at the Bellevue area, and realized that it may be a good place for me. I found an awesome apartment complex with a 1 bedroom available and newly renovated. On the property there are 3 lakes, 3 pools, fitness center, outdoor lounge, 4 mile walking trail, not to mention monthly social events. I thought it was perfect, until I saw the price. I tried to budget and figure out how it could work, but I still came up short. I thought surely this had to be the best decision because I was moving in less than 2 weeks!

Shortly after I received a Facebook message from a girl who had seen me post on the Rooms for Rent Facebook page. She asked if I was still looking for a place and was wondering if I would be interested in being her roommate in a 3 bedroom/2.5 bath house in Bellevue. We talked and realized we had mutual friends and she even had connections at my current job. Our values, lifestyle, and availability kind of matched up, so now I am living with 2 other women, for less than $700 a month (including utilities). Now, in Nashville, that is a GOOD DEAL! I move next week into her condo temporarily while the house is being painted and then the following weekend is moving day (for real)! My dad is being gracious enough to move my stuff into storage in Nashville while we wait for the house to get ready.

I hope things go well and smoothly during this move. There will be a lot of adjusting, but I feel stronger and more capable of dealing with such big changes. The good part is is that I won’t be alone and I will be able to have good women around me. Being a Christian is sometimes difficult, but it helps when you have people around you with the same faith and beliefs. I am so blessed by how God has worked this out. I honestly couldn’t have dreamed it up any better.

If you pray, please do so for me this week. This week will be my last week at my job, and I have been there for a little over 7 years. Also, please pray for the move that everything goes smoothly and all of us mesh well together. Send good vibes this way! 💕

LIFE UPDATE AND SOME FUN NEWS!

I cannot believe it has been this long between posts. Sorry about that, guys! I have had so much craziness happen, and I can't wait to share with you!

First off, Christmas was a wonderful time. This Christmas I was able to spend a good amount of time with my family and was able to see my niece and nephew for a good bit (they are my favorite part). On Christmas Eve, my Dad and I were on our computers surfing the web and just relaxing after traveling and spending time with my sister and her family.

I got this itch to apply to jobs in Tennessee, thinking how great it would be to be in the same state as my sister and my niece and nephew. My brother in law still has a ways to go in the Marines, so I thought it would be nice to be closer to her so I can help, if needed. I applied everywhere in Tennessee it felt like. I came across one school, a Christian university, Belmont University. I had never heard of it before, but I saw a job that peaked my interest, so I sent in my application right then and there. I never really gave it another thought.

A couple of weeks later I received a call from the Director of Financial Aid who wanted to ask me some questions. Knowing about me having to relocate he asked about my timeline and when I was looking to move. I told him right away, of course. We talked for about 10 minutes about my experience and my thoughts about the position. When we ended the conversation he said he would be in touch to schedule a Skype interview, since he knew I was so far away (Columbus, GA). I waited a few days and finally received a call about the Skype interview and I literally screamed inside. A few other employers had called me about scheduling interviews, but Belmont seemed right up my alley. I prayed and prayed and prayed. My parents were praying, my co-workers were praying, my friends were praying. In my heart, somehow, I knew this was it. This was my chance to finally move on from Point.

The Skype interview went smoothly and I felt very confident. A couple of days later I got an email about an in person interview scheduled for the following week. Anticipating this, I booked an AirBnB, and I kept praying. I asked God for the chance to move. I asked God for the chance to start fresh. I asked God for good friendships and connections to develop. I asked God for a job in which I could make an impact each day, and feel as though my work mattered. He answered.

YOU GUYS - I AM MOVING TO NASHVILLE, TN NEXT WEEK!

Yes, I will be a resident in Nashville! 💟💕💞. The city that stole my heart three weeks ago. The city that I will get to live in all of the time. I will be able to do, see, feel, taste, and experience so much. I am so excited! God has really been working everything out from timing to living situation to moving, everything! I will post an update once I get up there and settled, and may even give you a house tour :).

#dashfornash
Follow me on Instagram for little updates in between!

MY HOPES FOR 2017

Dear Readers,

You may have seen my thoughts on this past year, but I also have some hopes for 2017. I have hope because the Lord promises it to us in His word. I have hope because there’s no reason not to. 2016 really tested my faith, but it affirmed it as well. I have no solid foundation without Jesus. I have no hope without Jesus. He is and will always be my side through the muck, muddy, unclear, and confusing times. This world throws so much at us all the time! We are constantly bombarded by society’s expectations of what success is, of what power is, of what acceptance is. I have seen so many of my friends and family members fall victim to the expectations set by this world. They end up burned out, frustrated, and starving for something better.

This year, I have hope that:

1. I will continue to strive toward Jesus. I will become more like Him and less like me.
2. I will be generous with my time, my words, and my money.
3. I will learn from my mistakes and never make the same ones again.
4. I will fill my body, mind, and spirit with life giving things, rather than toxic, unhealthy, and joy stealing things.
5. I will become more content in my life.
6. I will embrace new opportunities.
7. I will become more creative with my resources.

I know that all of these things are what anyone would want in the new year. I hope to have these things and more. Sure, the bad will happen, but I am tired of living waiting for the other shoe to drop. Good can be just around the corner, and that is my mind-set. There is always something better right around the corner!

I wish you all well in this new year. I hope that no matter what happens you have a strong support system around you, but remember, you are your own worst enemy. Don’t let yourself get in your way!

CHEERS to 2017!

Happy New Year!

xx,
Melissa

MY THOUGHTS ON 2016

This time last year I was doing the very same thing I am right now. I have my hair up, my PJ’s on, and I am reflecting about this past year. This whirlwind of a year. Seriously, how did the year go by so quickly?

I keep thinking of the year 2015, and like always, I compare this year to years passed. The year 2015 had SEVERAL challenges. I have to say, next to 2013 (the year I got divorced), it was my hardest year yet. So much sorrow, so much loss, so much gone that once was. This year, I did lose 2 grandparents. This year, I did have my times of deep sorrow and sadness. When one year ends, you don’t forget the events that have happened. This year, I felt like I was reset. I thought to myself, “Okay, 2015 was bad. Let’s make 2016 better!” I was intentional in the beginning. I had some goal sheets to help me get organized. I purchased a planner that was sure to change my life for the better. I had three devotional books that I swore I would read daily. I promised myself I’d start going back to church regularly, eat healthier, lose weight, meet new people, maybe even fall in love. I had so many good intentions, but intentions they were. Eventually, the goal sheets became overwhelming, the planner became daunting, the devotional books were being read weekly, if I was lucky, and I had actually gained more weight this year.

So much intention, with little to show for it. Honestly, this year was amazing in that I turned the big 3-0 and celebrated it with people I love! I actually turned 30 and didn’t have a complete mental breakdown, although I did shed a few tears at dinner. I was given so much by so many people when I didn’t deserve it. I saw my niece and nephew grow this year. One started pre-K and the other started to walk, then run, then babble and talk. I became closer to my family in ways I didn’t think were possible. I saw my sister raise two of her children on her own while my brother-in-law was deployed. I saw people have babies, announce pregnancies, engagements, and get married. I saw some lose parents and grandparents and aunts and brothers. I have witnessed so much heartache and so, so much joy.

This year, I don’t want to fill out goal sheets, or planners, or swear I will do this or that daily. I don’t want to plan my life away, because really, when have my plans ever gone as well, planned? No, this year isn’t about being “intentional” because intentions don’t necessarily bring forth action. Intentions are the choices you hope to make. Intentions mean well, but rarely do they constitute results. For the year 2017, I want to live in action. I want to do, rather than talk. I want to have done something, rather than say that I will do it. I am not saying that goals, or planners are bad. I am the QUEEN of planners, but if all you do is plan, and don’t act, next year will look the same as this year.

I am asking God for guidance for this upcoming year. What will I do? Where will I go? What will this time next year look like when I act rather than intend to do something?

I hope this encourages you to do the same. I hope you ACT in 2017!

IT'S THE HOLIDAY SEASON

Being single during the holidays has it's advantages and disadvantages. Not having to wrack my brain to figure out what my boyfriend wants for Christmas, advantage. Not getting a gift from said boyfriend, disadvantage. Obviously, I am always the "giver" in the relationship. Ha!

To handle all of those moments that would typically bring me sadness can be difficult, but I have some remedies for the loneliness that may be experienced during the holidays.

If you are newly single, divorced, widowed, or have been single for years, all of these will apply!

1. Surround yourself with loved ones.
That isn't exclusive to just family members. If you have a particularly small family, which I do, then co-workers, friends, or members of you small group can be included in the holiday festivities. Have a friends Christmas gathering complete with holiday music, Christmas cocktails, treats, and a hot chocolate bar. Grab some of your small group members and go look at Christmas lights. Invite a few of your co-workers out for a drink or special dinner somewhere cozy. You don't have to be alone even if you feel like hiding away, or if being single is bringing you down. Get out there and take in all of what Christmas has to offer!

2. Remember the reason for the season.
I am a Christian, first and foremost, so the Christmas season for me is all about celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ. When I think about the humble way my Savior came to this earth, and the amazing story of his birth, I just can’t help but feel emotional. Even in the most impossible circumstances there can still be incredible joy! Even if you don’t believe, I think family, friends, and togetherness are very important as well.

3. Rest, relax, reflect. 
Christmas is near the end of the year and I always take some time to reflect on the year. This year so much has happened. I feel as though there were some wonderful times, and some times that were challenging. I feel as though every year I have come to accept my singleness and each year a new triumph gives me hope for the upcoming year.

4. Be grateful. 
I know that so much can change in a split second. I am so grateful for my health, my family, and the amazing friends I have come to appreciate more and more. I never want to take any part of my life for granted, even when I am single and in this season of waiting.

5. Light all of the candles. 
I know that candles for a lot of people represents romance, but don’t be afraid to set up your own special, cozy, holiday atmosphere. You can still enjoy scented candles, a glass of wine, and the twinkly lights all on your own. You can’t imagine how amazing it will make you feel!

6. When asked about your relationship status: Be patient, be kind, be as honest as you want to be. 
I know family members are curious. Now that you’ve been single for a few years, they may expect you to have someone, or they may bring up your ex not knowing that they’re your ex...I know, it can be frustrating. Just be patient. They usually mean well. Be kind even though you may feel sad or angry. And, you don’t owe anyone an explanation. You have the ability to set your own boundaries. If you don’t want to talk about it, politely say that, and remember do it with LOVE!

Other posts about Singleness on Melissa Faye Blog:

• Seven Mistakes Single Girls Make
• The Anxiety of Turning 30