Since I have been in the dating game, which has drastically changed since the first time I started dating (back in 2003). I have developed some legitimate fears about dating and I wanted to share them with you today. Now, dating can be a wonderful and significant experience. I have already learned so much, but I still have some lingering fears.
1. Feeling like I need to lax my standards (or gasp: settle).
Coming off of a divorce makes you a bit (read: a lot) more cautious about your choice of partner. There are some things I read on social media or on other blogs or websites that cause my jaw to drop! I once heard on "This American Life" that it's relatively normal for a girl to date a weed dealer. She said almost all of her friends have dated at least one weed dealer and it isn't a big deal.😞 I may be a bit old-school, but that sounds like something I would never want to be a part of. Something about it being illegal or police or something...whatever.
I definitely don't conform to the world's standards, but it's amazing to me how low they've gotten. Oh, and don't even get me started on the "being over 30" thing. People basically expect you to date someone whose breathing and that's about it.
2. Never talking on the phone again.
I get it. Texting is way more convenient and what monster would call a woman, but I genuinely appreciate the effort taken to make a phone call to make plans or to just ask how I'm doing. I don't ever want to feel that calling or being called is taboo. I mean, the phones can make phone calls for a reason. And no, not just to call 911 in the case of an emergency.
3. Thinking relationships are only the highlight reel.
Being on social media can make you feel a bit out of touch when it comes to romance. Couples are adorable, don't get me wrong. And then, you throw in a cute dog or a baby, and I am SOLD! But, social media only shows the highlight reel. Relationships are messy, confusing, and hard work. The biggest concern for me is that I will forget that and only see the relationship for what I think it's supposed to be: a blissful, beautiful Newsfeed. It isn't. Relationships for me used to be so easy (at first), but if you broke it down to compatibility, they were a lot harder than they should have been. I want a relationship where I can be myself, but also a healthier version of myself. I also want to be a bit more private about who I am dating. Who says you have to share EVERYTHING?!
4.Getting murdered.
Okay, so this one is a bit far-fetched, and I encourage you to not read these stories. When I first joined dating sites, I started hearing from all sorts of people horror stories about women meeting men who were convicts or homeless or serial killers and had no idea. Cut to them being kidnapped and murdered or cut up into little pieces and stuffed into their own garbage cans.
Now, truthfully, I'd much rather date in the ways of my youth, by just good ole proximity, but it doesn't work that way anymore. I am not around a significant number of single available men all day, so I have to step out of my comfort zone. I am also not a bar hopper or club goer, so yeah, this is one of my only options. The other option? Arranged marriage. I could dig it.
So, those are my legit fears about dating in my 30's. Can you relate? Also, I am taking applications for nice guys, so send them my way! :)
So, you want to know more about online dating, huh? View this video below to learn more about one of the most popular dating apps, Tinder.
So, as you can gather, even celebrities like Chelsea Handler use Tinder. Who knew? First of all, before we move forward, why would Chelsea of all people need Tinder? She is rich, funny, very pretty, and successful. Let’s just say if she is on Tinder, it can’t be all that bad, right?
Let me be clear. I do not condone one night stands. What I am referring to, is online dating for the intention to create a relationship. Now, if it never happens for me, that is fine. I have done my part. If online dating apps are what you use to get a little somethin’ somethin’, then this post will probably bore the pants off of you. Pun intended (winky face).
Online dating sites such as Match, eHarmony, OKCupid, and others are there for a purpose - to connect you with others. How meaningful that connection is, is up to you, and that other person. Here are some statistics that were provided on a website called, Reviews.com. This website reviewed and researched several online dating sites, including Match, eHarmony, and OKCupid. If you want to learn more go to, http://www.reviews.com/online-dating-sites/.
1. eHarmony is the most expensive online dating subscription at $40 per month.
2. Match.com and eHarmony have very close success rates in creating long-term relationships or marriages. eHarmony beat Match by 0.7 of a percentage point.
3. When it comes to algorithms and successful matches, OKCupid was rated the best. There were more connections made such as matches and more meaningful connections made using the message portion of the site.
4. There are three categories of messages - Good, Bad, and Mediocre. The percentage of good messages over bad were better on sites such as OKCupid and Match. The remainder of messages were mediocre, non-specific, and seemed to originate from spam or bots.
5. There are significant differences in the types of connections made on dating sites versus dating apps. Dating apps tend to be free, cultivate a “hookup culture”, and generally put men in the drivers seat. Apps such as Bumble, Coffee and Bagel, and Hinge are working to reverse that culture, and Hinge is considering starting a paid subscription for serious daters only.
So, here is some background info.
Good, Bad, and Mediocre Messages (from www.reviews.com/online-dating-sites/.
Bad Messages:
Spam or scam
Harassing or threatening
Obscene
Extremely short, “Hi beautiful”
Generic copy & paste: “I found your profile interesting”
A neg: “I like your big nose”
From someone who acknowledges their out of your age range, but decides to message you anyway
Passive-aggressive or guilt trip: “I know you probably won’t respond, but I had to message you anyway”
Obviously from a bot because it’s so generic and comes from a sparse profile
Mediocre Messages:
Suggestive, but not outright obscene
Only talks about your physical appearance
Impersonal, but only starts conversations with “Any plans for the weekend?”
An attempt to be personal, but falls flat: “I see you like playing scrabble. I like mountain biking.”
Good Messages:
Highlights something you both have in common
Respectful
Asks about something specific about your profile
Talks about things that are specific to your profile, but doesn’t only talk about physical appearance
No glaring spelling or grammar errors
Funny
When it comes to dating sites, here are the main factors:
Usability of the site. Is it easy to use, or too buggy (referring to site bugs)?
Cost isn’t everything, but price point does matter. Is the paid subscription costly, or does it match what you can contribute on a month-by-month, or multi-monthly basis?
Intuitiveness of the site. Does the site understand what you’re looking for? Is it realistic to use?
When it comes to online dating, you want the site to work for you, but there is work associated with online dating as well. For example, the more messages, likes, winks, or specific connections you make with others, the more successful your experience will be. Match encourages users to send an average of 4 messages per day. Granted, they all must be good messages (see above), they need to be with other users whom you have things in common with, and you need to be sure that you are sending messages to a paid subscriber. If the user him or herself claims up front that they are not a paid subscriber, I wouldn’t even waste your breath, or your fingers typing on your keyboard.
I think for the most part, online dating can be useful, and it has been shown to be successful. Time will tell about how successful those marriages are, after all, marriages are meant to last till death to us part. I know several couples who met online, and one recently married who actually met on Tinder. Go figure?
If you are in the market to try online dating, I suggest doing your research, find what works and doesn’t work, and don’t be afraid to take some risks. Every site comes with it’s own risk, successes, and failures.
Here are some tips to stay safe, but also to enjoy your online dating experience!
Never give out your home address, work address, or specific contact information while messaging another user.
Never give financial information to another user.
If another user asks for money, immediately stop communicating and block this person from contacting you.
Do not respond to message that seem vague or spammy.
Do not meet with the other user in a secluded, personal, or private place. Always arrange to meet in a public place.
While exchanging your personal phone number is a next step after messaging another user for a while, you can use the paid phone subscription service on the dating site, or you can create a burner number that can be disconnected if things don’t work out. I suggest an app that creates a phone number for you, but isn’t your actual number.
Do not respond to messages that are vulgar, offensive, or obscene. Chances are, they are a creep, or are spam. No need to waste your time.
If another user makes you feel uncomfortable or attempts to contact you after being told you are not interested, block the user or report the user to the site administrative staff.
I hope this information and these tips are helpful. Online dating can be very rewarding, as long as you use your head. Again, for more information and reviews, visit www.reviews.com/online-dating-sites/.
Thank you to Reviews.com for reaching out and providing the information above.
