photo edited with the Waterlogue app

I like to write posts that kind of feel like we are in the room talking to each other. These are like my "coffee date" posts. I just have the need to share what's on my heart and type them out. I haven't blogged since Valentine's Day and for good reason.

I think Valentine's Day hit me pretty hard this year. I was also sick that day, which made it no bueno. I had plans to travel to my sister and brother in law's new house on a base they were just recently stationed. I was excited. I was also relieved I had something to do on Valentine's Day that included my favorite people - my family. Time with them sometimes helps me forget the other not-so-good things in my life. The day just brought up a lot of old feelings. The sadness, anger, and confusion all welled up inside of me.

I also tried to stay off social media as much as I could. Ya know, the flowers, the candy, the sweet little photos of couples...It was getting to be a little too much. I wondered throughout the day, why my life had changed so drastically while other couples were blissfully celebrating. What had I done wrong? What was I missing? The truth is, you can't really compare your life to that of someone else's. No one said, "Thou must have a date on Valentine's Day", so why did I feel like I was missing out? Here's why:

I was reminded once again that I was alone.

Now, don't run and hand me a box of tissues. I am okay. I have had my chance at love, and I don't regret that. What I do regret is the pressure I have put on myself to have someone new - "to move on, get over it, find someone else". Why have I beat myself up over "still" being single? It's not like it's been years. It's been 9 months. Nine! A friend of mine and I were having a conversation about singleness and being in our 20s. Our singleness is different, but we are single all the same. I am starting over, while she is starting out. Your 20s is the time to take advantage. I know I have said that before, but it really hit me today. What am I doing with my time? Am I wasting it, or am I taking every opportunity to set the tone for the rest of my life?

I think I may take some time to really evaluate where I am and where I want to go in my life. There is so much pressure to have everything figured out. It's a constant hurry up and wait scenario. I think the 20-somethings out there can agree that early adulthood is a trying time. So much changes, yet I feel like my body and mind are at odds with each other. Some days I still feel 17. There's constant questioning and wondering, "Will my career ever take off? Where do I want to live? Should I continue my education? Where can I meet people? What skills/training should I pursue? Am I ready to settle down? I want to travel, but how do I come up with the resources? Am I spending too much? Should I be saving more? Will I have anything to spare to create savings? Will my student loans ever be paid off?" See what I mean? And all of this even without relationship troubles to think about!

All of this is just bouncing around in my brain at all hours of the day. I say all of this to say, no I do not have it figured out. Who does?

If you or someone you know does have it figured out, tell them to shoot me an email! 

LOVING MYSELF

Love. It has a whole new meaning since I have been divorced this past year. I used to think that love was unconditional, but I've realized that's easier said than done. I think love has conditions, such as honesty, trust, and openness. How can you have true love without those conditions? Without them love would be near impossible.

I decided to join in with Amy for this blog series because I believe that we can love ourselves and love ourselves well. I had to learn a few hard lessons when I became newly single. I had to learn to give myself the time I needed to heal, but I also wanted to allow myself to grow and learn from this experience.

Love is not easy and it's certainly difficult even with myself. I had my moments when I wanted to give up because I felt so alone and rejected. That was the hardest part for me to handle was the feeling of rejection. All of the sudden I felt like something was broken or wrong inside. Nothing I did was helping me, so I cried out to God. I ask that He help me to feel whole and to feel like I was enough. Little by little I have had to break out of my comfort zone. I have had to let people in and ask for help when I need it. One of the hardest parts of becoming single is that I can go days without one single hug. A hug. A simple embrace with another person. Sometimes I just need a hug.

I don't want this post to be negative, or seem like a downer. That isn't my point at all. I want to share with you how I have been able to love myself again. After experiencing divorce it's important to learn to love yourself before loving someone else again. I am on this journey today. Here I am loving myself and what you can do too:

1. Give yourself a break.
2. Give yourself time.
3. Pamper yourself every once in a while.
4. Do things with others even when you want to be alone.
5. Allow others to help.
6. Appreciate your quirks, flaws, and your mistakes. Even if you stare and study the most beautiful seemingly perfect things, you will see imperfections.
7. Laugh. Laugh. Laugh.

This Valentine's Day doesn't have to be about you and a significant other. It can be showing yourself that you are significant. If you want to learn to love yourself, I say start today. It doesn't have to end after the ending of relationship. I am sending you all virtual hugs today.

HOORAY FOR JULEP

+I am a part of the blogger affiliate program for Julep, Inc. and this post includes affiliate links. All opinions are my own.
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pictured: "Myrtle" (red) "Zora" (light pink)

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