Since I have been in the dating game, which has drastically changed since the first time I started dating (back in 2003). I have developed some legitimate fears about dating and I wanted to share them with you today. Now, dating can be a wonderful and significant experience. I have already learned so much, but I still have some lingering fears.

1. Feeling like I need to lax my standards (or gasp: settle). 
Coming off of a divorce makes you a bit (read: a lot) more cautious about your choice of partner. There are some things I read on social media or on other blogs or websites that cause my jaw to drop! I once heard on "This American Life" that it's relatively normal for a girl to date a weed dealer. She said almost all of her friends have dated at least one weed dealer and it isn't a big deal.😞 I may be a bit old-school, but that sounds like something I would never want to be a part of. Something about it being illegal or police or something...whatever.

I definitely don't conform to the world's standards, but it's amazing to me how low they've gotten. Oh, and don't even get me started on the "being over 30" thing. People basically expect you to date someone whose breathing and that's about it.

2. Never talking on the phone again. 
I get it. Texting is way more convenient and what monster would call a woman, but I genuinely appreciate the effort taken to make a phone call to make plans or to just ask how I'm doing. I don't ever want to feel that calling or being called is taboo. I mean, the phones can make phone calls for a reason. And no, not just to call 911 in the case of an emergency.

3. Thinking relationships are only the highlight reel.
Being on social media can make you feel a bit out of touch when it comes to romance. Couples are adorable, don't get me wrong. And then, you throw in a cute dog or a baby, and I am SOLD! But, social media only shows the highlight reel. Relationships are messy, confusing, and hard work. The biggest concern for me is that I will forget that and only see the relationship for what I think it's supposed to be: a blissful, beautiful Newsfeed. It isn't. Relationships for me used to be so easy (at first), but if you broke it down to compatibility, they were a lot harder than they should have been. I want a relationship where I can be myself, but also a healthier version of myself. I also want to be a bit more private about who I am dating. Who says you have to share EVERYTHING?!

4. Getting murdered. 
Okay, so this one is a bit far-fetched, and I encourage you to not read these stories. When I first joined dating sites, I started hearing from all sorts of people horror stories about women meeting men who were convicts or homeless or serial killers and had no idea. Cut to them being kidnapped and murdered or cut up into little pieces and stuffed into their own garbage cans.

Now, truthfully, I'd much rather date in the ways of my youth, by just good ole proximity, but it doesn't work that way anymore. I am not around a significant number of single available men all day, so I have to step out of my comfort zone. I am also not a bar hopper or club goer, so yeah, this is one of my only options. The other option? Arranged marriage. I could dig it.

So, those are my legit fears about dating in my 30's. Can you relate? Also, I am taking applications for nice guys, so send them my way! :)

MY FAVORITE PODCASTS + RECOMMENDATIONS

I always feel like I am discovering new podcasts, and just like I send texts to my friends letting them know about the podcasts I've found, I am going to share with you my favorite podcasts!

I feel like everyone has a podcast these days. I mean, even Teen Mom cast members have podcasts, so I guess it's free game when it comes to this social media outlet. Podcasts are not a new thing. They have been around for years, but just in the last year or two, I have really gotten into them. I am pretty much into any mode of getting information in audio format. If you can "read" books on Audible, then you can certainly get sucked into a juicy podcast.

Also, if you have any good podcasts, please share them with me! I don't discriminate 😊

Dirty John: Holy freaking crap! This podcast, while short (only 6 episodes), literally blew my mind. I was so intrigued with the story and the outcome was certainly unexpected. If you have every been burned or lied to in a significant way (I have), this podcast may be a bit of a trigger for you, but the story is straight out of a prime time soap. Discretion advised since there's some language and chit chat about sensitive topics. 

Goal Digger Podcast: For the goal digger at heart, this is a great podcast for tips on business, social media, influencing others, etc. I love Jenna Kutcher's realness and it has definitely opened my eyes about the landscape of social media and marketing. If you are into that sorta thing, this is for you!

Atlanta Monster: This comes from the same host as "Up and Vanished", which is also based in Georgia. Being a Georgia girl and having grown up in the Atlanta area, this podcast is so interesting, heartbreaking, and eye opening. It touches on sensitive issues and there's some language, but since this occurred before I was born, I really like to listen and gain more understanding about Atlanta during that time. Several African-American boys (more than several, 31 accounted for) were taken, tortured, asphyxiated, and murdered. The murderer was supposedly captured...Or was he? Discretion advised since there's some language and chit chat about sensitive topics. 

This American Life: If you love current events, sociology, psychology, gut-wrenching topics, this podcast is for you! The episodes vary, so it's not something that is technically a series, but every episode is packed with great information and interesting tid-bits. I love the ones that touch on millennial or modern topics like finding new friends as an adult, the difficulty to be vulnerable, and plenty more! Check it out for sure! Discretion advised since there's some language. 

Up and Vanished: This series has long been finished for me, but it is such a heartbreaking story and it literally sucked me in within minutes. A Georgia high school teacher goes missing and so many unknowns are presented that you can't help to stick with it to find out more. This is a developing story, so catch up so you can get the latest info as it's released. Discretion advised since there's some language and chit chat about sensitive topics. 

Teen Mom Trash Talk: If you love to hate Teen Mom OG or Teen Mom 2, this podcast is for you. This podcast had humble beginnings, but is gaining it's footing. Now, if you easily get offended, or can't take a joke, this podcast is not for you. I think comedy is uncomfortable sometimes, and things that are funny are typically true and somewhat offensive. Again, not for the faint of heart, but has left me in stitches laughing. Discretion advised since there's some language. 

The Vanished: This podcast has done wonders for those with missing loved ones. Every week a new case is discovered and details are released to help families find their loved ones. One case was solved with the help of this podcast and I think it's so important to keep the discussion open about missing people, both adults and children. You never know, you may help to find someone on this podcast.

This is not an exhaustive list, trust me. I could literally list about 20, but maybe I'll go through another list of them soon. Share your faves too!

THOUGHTS ON SOCIAL MEDIA

Social media has changed so much in the last couple of years and I have had some thoughts about this for a while now. I have had some moments on Instastories and shared my thoughts and did some polls to see if I was alone in my thoughts and feelings. The overtly edited, polished, and perfect photos of Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter not only frustrate me, but leave me feeling less inspired than ever.

Whenever I get on Facebook or Instagram (my two faves) I like to see the BTS (behind-the-scenes) view of my favorite bloggers, businesses, and entrepreneurs. Lately, it's been more like polished advertisements. I used to look through these posts and feel less than and compare my own photos, blog posts, life, and feel lower than low. I kept thinking that I will never get to this point and if this is what it takes to run a successful blog or business, I will never get there. I don't have fancy equipment, or freelance photographers at my dispose. I am just sharing my thoughts and my story and hoping that it can help someone feel less alone. I like to use this platform in the way that I think it was intended for, to build community and relate to people (#relatable).

So, a couple of weeks ago I unfollowed a BUNCH of bloggers and influencers (that word 😐). If they didn't inspire me or made me feel bad about myself or frustrated, be gone! I have to say, it felt liberating to take back control of who I decide to follow. No one has to follow anybody, but sometimes I feel like I'll miss out, or maybe one day I'll enjoy following them again. I can always go back and follow them if I choose to, but for the time I do spend on Instagram, I want to spend it on people and things that matter.

Twitter is a WHOLE other story. I haven't been on Twitter since before Christmas, but I don't see myself returning any time soon. For those who use Twitter regularly, how do not go insane with every other post being about politics? It's really like a 24/7 hostile news network. People are always ranting and arguing and acting like their opinion is 100% right 100% of the time. I even got in a little tiff with someone I enjoyed following about whether or not Taylor Swift should be more open about her political beliefs. Taylor. Swift. Like, really. My thing is, celebrities represent a very small fraction (verrry small) of the American people, and honestly, they are so out of touch sometimes, I rarely claim them altogether. Using your platform for good is one thing. Using it to bash or bully another political party...Um, no thank you. So, bye bye, Twitter. Until next time. Or maybe not.

So, tell me, what are your thoughts on social media? Do you find it frustrating, boring, or just insignificant?

FEBRUARY 2018 GOALS

Yay for getting my 2018 PowerSheets from Cultivate What Matters! I was so excited/overwhelmed when I received them, so it took me a couple of days to finally get my February goals down.

I didn't want to go too deep into a few of my goals, so I covered them with stickers. Plus, one is a surprise, so I have to keep that under wraps! 😜

My main goals are centered about my Spiritual growth, health, and working out. I am also working to branch out more at my job, so I am attending an event that connects me with other staff and departments that I wouldn't normally see or connect with. I am REALLY nervous about that one. Just the thought of meeting someone brand new and dedicating 30 minutes to an hour with them is like, "Yikes"! But I will get through it.

I have joined Weight Watchers and am trying their new FreeStyle program. Thus far, it's okay. Nothing is wrong with the program, but I have not been tracking everyday like I should, hence my eating has been way off. I am going to work harder to track and gauge where I am, but I don't think WW is going to be long-term for me. The plan can get expensive, and another goal is to budget and cut out extras. Yes, WW is important, but again, expensive. 

I am working on my daily goal to read one Bible Scripture a day, and the YouVersion has basically been doing all of the work on this one. The app will send me a daily verse and I read it and it checks it off for me on my account. I can go back and see how many days I read or missed, and it's just a really cool accountability tool. Anyone else doing that this month/year? 

Prepping my meals on Sundays is becoming the norm for me, and I hope to keep it going! I think it's so much better for my schedule to have all of my meats, veggies, and fruits ready to go.

I will update you at the end of the month and let you know my goals for March as well! Happy planning and accomplish those goals!

"Progress Not Perfection." - Lara Casey

DEALING WITH PARENTS' DIVORCE AS AN ADULT

Dealing with a divorce can seem isolating. The end of a marriage that is your own is one thing (been there), but the feelings that come with your parents' divorce ending after 31 years, are overwhelming. My parents decided to tell me over the phone on a Friday afternoon that they had filed for divorce. I knew something was wrong when my Dad called me and asked me if I was home yet from work, or still driving. They know better to not tell me heartbreaking news while I am behind the wheel.

During this time my grandfather was also in hospice and was not given much time left. I figured when he had called me initially he was going to tell me that he had passed away. When my parents put the phone on speaker and told me they were ending their 30+ year marriage, I fell to the floor. I couldn't grasp the words they were telling me because it was shocking, and I expected something totally different to be told to me that day. I prepared in my head for the words that my grandfather passed away, but whole other death took place that day. I felt like my family life as I knew it had died. My parents were no longer together and their marriage was no longer a proud talking point for me. My friends' parents had all divorced in elementary, middle, and high school. I had one friend whose parents decided to divorce right after she got married and was given the news upon her return from their honeymoon. My parents' marriage had stood the test of time, or so I thought.

My initial reaction I am not proud of. I was hurt, but mostly angry. They had witnessed my divorce just a couple of years earlier and knew how fragile I was. They saw everything that I had dreamed of slip away. They saw me hit rock bottom and have to start all over. Who would choose to go through that after 30 years? Who would want to navigate their late adult life alone? I couldn't understand it and I was angry that I even had to endure this once again. If I could go back now, I would have cut my parents some slack. The shock of their divorce really shouldn't have been so shocking. My parents are what you would call "oil and water". They do not mix, but they spent their entire lives stirring, shaking, and working like hell to make it all stay together.

As time went on I felt everything possible associated with grief. Little by little, my parents began to share more details about the breakdown of their marriage and all of the moments that things went wrong. I read an article that stated it best:

"First, you hate to see their marriage end because it represents the foundation on which your life was built. Second, by focusing on what you can do to get them to stay together, you can ease and/or avoid your unsettling feelings about them splitting apart." Article found here. 

In my mind I was still trying to sort out ways for them to work it out. As time went on, I realized it wasn't one thing that triggered it all. It was years of things that have happened. I couldn't fix it and it wasn't my job to, no matter how hard I would try. Looking back I just kept thinking about times that my parents' marriage was difficult, or when they were fighting a lot, and I just remember how horrible it felt. I remember distinctly as a child remembering a time where things were pretty bad and I cried and asked if they were getting a divorce. The strange part was those feelings felt exactly like they did the day my parents told me they were splitting up. I think at any age it's a hard thing to understand and cope with. 

Now that it has been almost three years, I have been coping the best I can. I still feel like it isn't real some days, and some days it feels like I just received the call yesterday. We have still managed to spend time together during holidays and important occasions, although it won't feel like it did. We were a very tight-knit family. We all went to the grocery store together and had multiple annual vacations and spent hours talking as a family all of the time. We were just close. Things have changed for sure, and it's sad, but just as my divorce didn't kill me, this won't either. Learning to navigate as a family is learning to navigate change. When I get married someday and have a family, the whole dynamic will change again and we'll adjust. 

If you are an adult dealing with a parents' divorce, just know that it does get easier. My heart breaks for you, but the sadness will fade and your mind will stop racing and looking for ways to fix it. It can be a hard change, but a manageable one. Just let go of your own expectations and look for ways to accept the situation for what it is. It does get better.