Growing up, I always had an idealistic, perfectionist approach to life. Even now in my adulthood, I still want things to be perfect. The problem with perfection is...

1. It isn't realistic.
2. It does not give way to grace, mercy, or human error.
3. It makes you feel bad when perfection isn't met.

There was one point this year that I just accepted that not everything can be perfect, and as long as it’s done, or as long as I am trying, perfection is no longer the goal.

I am my worst critic. I know people all around who know me just gasped! But, it’s true. No one has to tell me what I’ve done wrong, or how I messed up because I am already saying 100 obscenities in my mind about what I did wrong. Being a screw up isn’t really my thing. I want to appear put together, like I have life beat. But, can I tell you something? I DON’T!

When you’re going through life trying to keep this “I got this” persona, it can be exhausting. If something is broken, I want to fix it. If something isn’t working, I try to find out why, and I try with all of my might to change it. The truth is, I am not in the restoration business, nor am I a fairy godmother. I had to learn the hard way (especially this year), that no one, nothing, is perfect. Nothing can be perfect because in our humanness, we can’t be perfect. I have had to learn to trust God to fix things. And guess what? God only fixes what we want Him to. God only intervenes and changes things when we ask Him to. If I am all, “I got this”, God can’t do His work. Why would I not want to give up the things in my life to the Creator? Maybe I am a control freak? (Okay, that is a whole other post, Melissa!)

I have this innate ability to love, care for, and fix things that are broken. Can you imagine my dating life? Yeah, it’s pretty hilarious! But, I don’t want someone based on their potential. I want someone based on their reality. I am done trying to fix things and make things perfect. The only perfect One is Jesus.

So, if you are like me, tired of always trying to be perfect, can I help you out? Break up with perfection! Send it a Dear John letter, send it down the river, or even buy it a pizza that says, “I’m breaking up with you” spelled out in pepperonis. Whatever you have to do to let go, do it!

Here are some tips to get your started!

1. Journal about your need to be perfect and then read it to yourself.
It may sound silly, or feel awkward, but it may reveal a lot about why you want things to be perfect. Is it because you feel like you won’t be good enough? Is it because you want to keep control? Is it because you feel like it’s the one thing you got going for you? Let me tell you something, you don’t have to be perfect to be worth it. You don’t need this cookie cutter perfect life because it’s boring! There is beauty in the colorful messes we make!

2. Write a "break up letter" to perfection.
This is my go-to. Tell perfection to take a hike and be specific on why. This may reveal more than you think!

3. When something gets done, it doesn’t have to be perfect.
It just needs to be done. I had to learn this in my professional life. I am not saying to make mistakes on purpose, or to not pay attention to detail. I am saying, don’t get so caught up in making each detail perfect, that you lose the ability to finish things. Striving for perfection can be feel paralyzing, when perfection isn’t the goal. Just getting done and finishing needs to be the goal.

4. Take it to God and leave it there.
I am a Christian, so my life revolves around one person - Jesus Christ. When things in life are hard for me, my savior is there for me. He loves me despite my humanness. He loves me despite my imperfections. A central theme in Christianity is to give all we have to God. We worship Him at church, yes, but we also worship Him with our lives. We cannot be whole without Jesus. We cannot be redeemed without Jesus. So, for me, to be able to function through life healthy and joyful, I have to constantly surrender things to the Lord. One of those things is my need to be perfect, and my need to make things in life how I want them.

5. Symbolize this break up with perfection in a meaningful way.
I regularly see a counselor (No shame, people! I whole-heartedly believe in counseling/therapy. It was my major!). Dealing with anxiety and depression has made me take a hard look at how my mind works and how my perspective affects my behavior. One of the first things I had to do in counseling was destroy my perfect life that I had built in my head. Growing up, this was my escape. I saw things in how they should be lenses, rather than how they are lenses. This has been daunting to break through. In the near future, I really want to symbolize this new-found break up in a good, meaningful, healthy way. I haven’t decided how yet, but I will soon! If you are making the same move, I suggest doing this too!

Life is too short to worry about being perfect. Be who you are. Be bold enough to be real with yourself. Be kind enough to accept you. There is nothing wrong about loving yourself right where you are. So much of my life has been spent being hard on myself, and honestly not being kind. I do think there’s something to be said about loving yourself. Giving yourself a break.

Can you relate? I would love to hear about your story in the comments! 

GRADUATE SCHOOL TIPS & TRICKS

I am in graduate school (yay!) for the second time to finish up some requirements so I can teach undergraduate courses. Right now, I am taking two courses online at Liberty University. The course loan isn't unbearable, but I wouldn't say it's super easy either. I have some tips for those of you who are in Graduate school.

I am taking classes online, so I know it's much different if you are attending in-seat classes, but some of the same principles can apply! Graduate school can be REALLY overwhelming. Especially if you work full-time or part-time, have a wife/husband, family, etc. It can be hard to juggle all of your responsibilities, on top of being a student. You may also be required to do an internship or fellowship. In that case, you have a whole other set of responsibilities. If you are like me, these tips can help!

The first trick may be difficult, especially with little ones.

1. Keep a Schedule
I like to schedule out my study and assignment time. I work all day so I have to schedule it for evenings and weekends. If I have a packed schedule during the work day/week, then I may push some things around, but for the most part I try and read and complete assignments during the evenings and weekends. Weekends are good because they are primarily free. This weekend I have homecoming at my University, so I will be busy most of the weekend. That just means I need to cram in more reading and assignment time during this week.

2. Write out all of Your Deadlines
I like to write out my assignments due on the due dates in my Simplified Planner. That way I can work around my homework schedule. The frustrating part about being on the other side of this, is that a lot of students think the school should work around their life and schedule. When you choose to go to school, on top of other priorities, you have to make it work. It’s not up to my professor to make it easier for me. Graduate school is and should be a challenge.

3. Keep a Healthy Routine
One thing I had to really think about was my health. If I don’t keep my body in tip-top shape, then the rest of my life will suffer. This means getting plenty of sleep (this is a struggle), eating healthy, and getting exercise. For me, I have a hard time balancing work out time. When I get home I am usually pretty tired, so I try and go and get as much homework done as I can.

4. Ask for Help
Sometimes it is worth it to ask for help. That can mean help academically, or with any of your other responsibilities. This may sound silly, but even someone cleaning up your house could be a time and life saver. Ask for a babysitter. Ask someone in your class for help with studying or a project. You can definitely get others to help you with whatever you need. Just ask!

5. Find Time to Decompress
It may be a really hectic time, but there has to be time for decompression. If you enjoy a long walk or hanging out with friends, do it! Being in grad school may mean less free time, but it’s important to still do the things you love! Don’t hold back in my opinion!

Did you find these tips helpful? Do you have any more tips? Let me know below!

Happy Tuesday, xx!

APPLE PICKIN' GOOD TIME

I have already checked off one of my Fall bucket list items, and its still early in October! I was so excited when my dad, sister, and the kids wanted to plan an apple picking adventure. Down here in the South, it is still very much in the 80s-90s each day, so when we picked a date, we knew it would still be relatively warm.

If you follow along on Instagram, you may have already seen the pictures below, but I couldn't resist posting them here for you!

My dad and I stopped at Farmview Market on the way to Ellijay, Georgia. I believe it is a part of the UGA system to promote local farmers, meats, and produce. There is also a restaurant inside. If you do go by there in Eatonton, Georgia, be sure to get the chicken biscuit. It was fantastic!

Hillcrest Orchards had pretty good reviews online and included pony rides, jumping pillow, big slides, petting zoo, and apple picking all for $10 per person. I would definitely recommend it. The crowd was crazy though!

Enjoy this little video of our day!

 

More adventures to come!

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Happy Monday, xx!