'CAUSE I WILL MAKE THIS PLACE YOUR HOME

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Home is a big deal for me. I have always been obsessed with the idea of buying a house, filling it will children, and having so much love inside it hits you like a brick at the front door. The idea of "home" has always resonated with me. I think it comes from moving 7 times in 4 years. Maybe?

I am about to embark on yet another move. More on that later. I just feel myself being pulled more and more to the thoughts and feelings that are again associated with making another move. After my divorce I wanted nothing more than to feel settled and comfortable. I have moved at least once a year, if not multiple times in one year, only to pick up again before the dust had a chance to settle. I think something inside of me just longs for permanence. Something insides yearns for stability and comfort. Oh, how I love to be comfortable!

Having struggled with anxiety in the past, I always worry that it will flare up once I start packing up the boxes. Change - even welcomed change- comes with its little pang of fear and anxiety. I always struggle falling asleep the first few nights and I wake up in the middle of the night feeling disoriented when I try to find the bathroom. Hopefully, it will be different this time. I am not sure if this move will be for a year, or more, but I know at this point in time, I am learning more and more to just go with it. I love structure and I desire to have a routine that goes unchanged, but I also have to accept that I am 28 years old, single, and able to go wherever life takes me. I may not always enjoy it, but I can definitely accept and learn from it.

I see myself now having girls' nights. Staying up late watching movies and drinking wine. I see myself having friends over for home-cooked meals. I see myself maybe even planting a garden of some sort. It's exciting stuff!

[title comes from Philip Philips' Home]